Friday, September 23, 2011

Dancing with Chaz Bono

The cries of Christian protest have begun against Dancing with the Stars because of its choice to have Chaz Bono as a contestant. (Obviously DWTS' quest for buzz and higher ratings is a bust, right?) I'm not sure what a boycott does except cause some to feel guilty about watching a show they enjoy and for those outside the Church to say "good riddance, who needs them anyway".

Thing is, I think that Chaz Bono has done in a physical way what many, many people in our churches do in a spiritual way every week. There is this concept that the journey with God starts with the stuff on the outside. So, after we begin with faith in Christ, we grab hold of the reigns and begin the have-to's and the should-not's and make ourselves look the part. We construct a Christian identity that has little to actually do with Christ.

As if changing the outside will make our inner world more aligned with God's heart.

Chaz Bono did the same thing. Her inner world was a struggle, having no peace, feeling like the inside and outside didn't match. So she did what we should expect someone without the hope of Christ to do, she tried to fix herself. She (along with a team of doctors) changed the outside. Created a new identity; from Chastity to Chaz. Hoping that when the outside was 'fixed' that change would happen inside as well.

She attempted to create her own hope, which is no different than what any of the rest of us did before we knew who Christ was. Then we tried to feel less broken by wearing the right clothes, having the right friends, enough money, or just drinking a lot of beer.

It is also no different than the religious act that a lot of people in our churches are still pursuing. Avoiding confronting the brokenness by being involved in enough church activities, using the right language, or just drinking a lot of beer.

Masks abound in church. Identities created, not on the foundation of Christ, but on the shifting sand of the false self. The effect is that not only do we not allow ourselves to be known by each other, but we avoid being known by God.

Whatever was broken with Chaz before surgery is still broken after. Whatever was broken in you while you were single is still broken after you're married. Whatever was broken when you were sober is still broken when you're drunk. Whatever was broken in you before serving the poor will still be broken after. There is only one cure for the brokenness that we experience as this world and its systems and disappointments gang up on us.

We must allow the light of Christ to shine in our darkened souls. Letting our significance be found in Him. Discovering our identity in the rock of the Gospel. Experiencing restoration as sons and daughters of the King.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

The Reflected Sense of Self

The Bible is truth. It cannot be minimized into a user manual for life. Nor it is a guide for a more prosperous life. To say it is a science book would also be a mistake. It is the truth about our relationship with God. Man's search for significance and God's desire to impart it to us.

It is with that belief that a passage in the book of James helped me shed light on a psychological concept that I just became aware of: the reflected sense of self.

We all want significance and will try to find it in Christ or outside of Christ. When we seek it outside of Christ, we form what spiritual theologians call the false self. An identity that allows us to define our significance. Yet, while we would call ourselves free, in reality it is the opposite of the freedom that God intends for us.

One of the ways that we experience this bondage is that the false self must be continually propped up in order to be convinced of its significance. We become a slave to securing our identity. Significance requires comparison, so the false self attempts to define who we are in relation to others. Among others, the question "what do others think of me?" becomes of paramount importance as we attempt to feed the false identity outside of Christ.

This is where we pick up with the idea of the reflected sense of self - that out of our own lack we take on the emotions that are reflected to us by others. It is as if we become an emotional mirror and are dependent upon how others respond to us.

I've admitted before that my false self desires affirmation, to feel chosen, and I spent my share of time being ruled by that desire. Even firmly rooted in Christ, there are shadows of that desire. Until recently, I was unable to understand why someone not embracing an idea of mine or advice felt like a personal rejection. What I was seeing mirrored to me was disapproval and I did not have the ability to separate the disapproval for an idea from disapproval of me.

So that you won't think too much of me, here is a ridiculous example from my relationship with my wife of how this played out in my life. Hopefully this illustrates my point, because I really can't believe I'm about to type this out.

I'm one of those guys who don't mind shopping for clothes. My wife is beautiful and I enjoy buying things for her and also appreciate being involved in the selection process. So I scour the racks for deals and things that I think my wife would make look amazing. This goes well until it is time for me to present my armload of selections to said wife. Then what took so much time to find is usually rejected down to, if I'm lucky, one item. Her looks of rejection for these items of clothing mirrored rejection on me. And rather than understand her framework for making decisions - different color preferences, comfort choices, fabric selection - I bore the rejection. If she loved me, after all, she'd trust that she really does look good in that shirt!

That is how the false self works. It doesn't take much to reveal the cracks in the foundation of what we are seeking our worth. Shifting sand. Affirmation for me. Maybe it is social status for you. Sexuality for someone else. Outside of Christ, or during the times we are off center from Him, we all have some self built quest for significance.

From situations like this and others with my wife and within other relationships, what gives me the ability to break free is not passively saying "just stop", "don't be hurt" or "it's not about you" but rather being active in telling myself the Gospel. In particular, that is that God notices me, I have been chosen, my life is significant regardless of my circumstances.

But, what does all this have to do with the book of James?

James 1:23-24 says - "Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like."

When we look at ourselves in the mirror of Christ, we see the true self, our identity as God intends it to be. That is the Gospel Christ came to proclaim, or as James refers to it a couple verses before, the word planted within us, that can save us. So, if I hear the word that God loves me, I'm adopted as His son through Christ, that I've been chosen, then I have had my true self mirrored to me in Christ. This brings freedom because I am no longer dependent upon others to build me up. I can love freely and need or expect nothing in return.

But if after hearing the Gospel truth about who I am in Christ, I return to feeding the false self, I have forgotten what I looked like. I'm settling for something less. The reflection that I see will be the dim one reflected to me by others. I'll return to the desperate needing of others to prop up my false sense of self.

We are to have our sense of self reflected to us. Only God has intended it to be reflected in Christ. Through the truth of the good news. Along with freedom, that brings the stability of an unchanging God. He is faithful not circumstantial. He is the foundation made of rock.

Friday, September 2, 2011

Christian Mingle

One of the funniest commercials on TV at the present time (at least to me) is the one for Christian Mingle, an online dating service for Christian singles. The hilarity starts with the voice over saying "Are you looking for God's perfect match for you?"

At this point, combined with the cheesy graphics, I am laughing so hard that I miss the rest of the promo. In my mind I imagine God sitting on his throne in heaven, and here are some of the conversations He is having with the cloud of witnesses...

"Finally. I am so exhausted holding all things together, knitting people in the womb, and sanctifying the elect. It is good to have the dating habits of Christians off my plate."

"What a great idea! All this time I've been leaving spouse selection to random chance."

"How'd I ever do anything without the Internet!"

"Where's my Internet connection? Let's mess with their heads!"

Or maybe God is just exasperated because this is another stupid Christian idea. We are just as big relational suckers as the rest of the world, and it is disappointing.

We are STILL looking for that one person who completes us and makes us happy. Our mistake is trying to find another person who will give us an identity or be the source of our significance. That is a lot of pressure to heap on the shoulders of another person, and we wonder why our relationships fail at the same rate as everyone else's.

I risk sounding like I'm doling out trite spiritual advice, but I'm going to proceed anyway mainly because this is the number one mistake I made in my relationship with my wife. She was destined to fail me because God did not create her to be the fuel for my identity.

There is only one person who makes us complete - Jesus Christ. If we Christians put as much focus on rooting our identity firmly in Him as we do dreaming about the greener grass on the other side, we would not be so tempted by websites like Christian Mingle.

Marriage books containing principles for successful, godly relationships are everywhere. The principles are great. But if our motivation is to get something in return even the best principles will fail. Motivation in our marriages and dating relationship needs to come from knowing who you are in Christ. If you want to prepare for a good marriage or resurrect the one you are in, rather than pointing at the other, look at your own foundation.

If you are incomplete before the wedding, you'll be incomplete afterward.

No matter how much you mingle.


Thursday, September 1, 2011

The Example of Christ

Ever been counseled about the spiritual life and practices with the words Paul wrote to the Corinthian church - "Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ"? Usually this is an invitation given to someone who is struggling to look upon the life of another who is getting by much better in order to learn how to really live effectively for Christ. Certainly, that is the gist of Paul's message.

Yet, what is the example of Christ that Paul is imitating and beckoning others to emulate?

Any time I have seen (or sadly used) these words, it has been from the perspective of performance. Jesus was perfect, so Paul must be saying that he was going to live up to the example of Christ. A living, breathing example of perfection.

That is the trouble when set Jesus as an example of how God wants us to act. We must imitate his actions and constantly ask ourselves "what would Jesus do?"

Following this kind of example would be exhausting and frustrating. Exhausting because it would be our self-effort, our external appearance, that was making us approved by God. Frustrating because every failure, every mistake would remind us that our actions are not adequate. Our willpower is not enough.

That is the mask in action or we can call it our false self. Style over substance. Performance based Christianity. Confidence derived from our actions; thinking that you are approved by God because of the things you do. An identity not rooted in Christ. And the problem is that it is not about Jesus at all - it is all about us, putting us at the center of salvation by works.

That is not the example Paul is directing us to at all. It is actually quite the opposite.

Weakness.

Christ did not consider equality with God his to grasp. Which is odd, considering when we employ our self righteousness, we are necessarily lessening the eminence of God.

Christ made himself nothing. Not tearing others down to puff himself up, rather for our sake, He took on a form of weakness.

Beginning His ministry in the wilderness, Christ was taunted in his weakness by the devil who dared him to display his power. Jesus chose dependence.

In the garden, Christ rebuked Peter for his attempted display of violent power. Instead of calling a legion of angels from heaven to his side, Christ chose to drink the cup set before him. Jesus chose humility.

In a similar way, following the example of Christ, Paul chose to display his weakness. Chief of sinners. Thorn in his side. Having the desire to do good but not able to carry it out. But Paul found delight in this, because in his weakness, Christ's Spirit was able to be strong. To increase its weight. To be glorified.

That is the example for us. Honesty about our weakness. Denying our inclination to try reaching God through our own effort. Being clothed in Christ and living out of our identity in Christ. Not making weakness our identity, but allowing our weakness to give Christ prominence.