Monday, October 31, 2011

Keeping Up with Kim Kardashian

As I sit here typing, I am in a state of utter shock and disbelief. Controlling my emotions is difficult at times like this. Questions race through my mind: how could this be? what went wrong? It just didn't' seem like it would turn out like this.

Kim Kardashian filed for divorce.

Oh no. Now, after we peel away the sarcasm of the paragraph above, we're left to wonder what this new event is all about. I mean, how can a marriage, even one build on a superficial foundation, go wrong in all of 72 days?

Kim Kardashian has made her living by imaging herself. She IS a brand, and for some reason, our culture buys into her. People tune into her reality show; people buy the multitude of products she endorses; paparazzi follow her around and paste her picture on every supermarket tabloid. It is a highly crafted, maintained and polished exterior.

My guess, and this is pure speculation on my part for I do not watch her show or know much about her other than I see her face in a lot of places, is that this is part of her brand. A multi-million dollar princess wedding 72 days ago (with the TV and picture rights sold so she actually MADE money on the deal) to someone with a profile just high enough to make the wedding significant, but not high enough that anyone would care about what he has to say. She seems to be about the look, getting people to notice and tune in. Unadulterated identity in being seen. A narcissism made possible in our media crazed culture. Attention (and possible sympathy) brings viewers.

None of this is intended to impugn Kim. She is not a follower of Christ, and is doing exactly what one would expect. Seeking significance in something. Popularity is the source of her identity and her actions are perfectly consistent.

But, what this reminds me of is us. People in the church. Sometimes we are more concerned about the brand than about Christ. Looking like a follower rather than being a follower. Since we don't want to make a mistake and mess things up for Jesus, we clean up our lives ourselves. Thus, we ignore the Spirit, boil away grace and redemption and mystery and make discipleship all about our actions. Morality. Looking the part. Doing the right thing for everyone to see.

Carefully creating an image of what we think God's holiness looks like. Trying to live prosperous lives, not as Christ would define it, but as the culture would. We tell people everything is great and hid from view our tired marriage, parenting trials, addictions, and all other struggles that life in a fallen world throws our way. We've clothed ourselves in a holy exterior and hidden our brokenness. Image is everything. Spiritual narcissism.

Living out of our false identity in this way is exhausting. It's more about our effort than Christ's. It is a facade that must be maintained. Ultimately it causes the unchurched to tune us out because it is an inflated standard that they feel inadequate to keep.

We intimidate those outside with our carefully crafted, highly maintained, got-it-together looking exteriors.

It's all about appearances. Just like keeping up with the Kardashians.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Worth Another Look, Vol. 1

I tend to be skeptical of most marriage books. You can probably safely add to that books on parenting as well. Rather than leading the reader to evaluate what is broken with the self in order to enable a releasing of burdens on one's spouse, instead much of what is written is guised manipulation. Not getting what you want? Is your spouse not meeting your needs? Follow these simple steps to make your partner happy and they will, in return, give you what you want.

In reality, how long will that advice last? Probably until you consistently do not get the response you desire. Make no mistake, since we all tend to fall into focusing on ourselves that will happen probably sooner than later.

While I am a skeptic of the marriage book genre, out of interest in the subject I still have a number of these books in my reading queue. It is within the last one I read and put on the bookshelf that I found this nugget. In the midst of discussing 1 Peter 3:7,
Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.
the author espoused the view that if a husband's prayers were not being answered, then it was likely because he was not loving his wife properly. Just to say this another way, the man who was interpreting this passage was saying that consequence for a husband not loving his wife in the proper way was that God would stop answering that man's prayers.

That assessment strikes me as driven by performance. Rightness before God being determined in this interpretation by the husband's works. Beyond that, it implies God can be manipulated - by doing the right things you can get God to answer prayer. The grace and mercy of God seem to be absent until the man gets his act together.

Yet, grace is not earned or deserved, meriting another look at what my be implied by the hindrance of prayers. It is interesting that the author focused on a hindrance in the answer to the prayer rather than the delivery. Maybe Peter is reminding husbands that if they are not considerate, if they do not respect their spouses relative weakness, then that is going to lead to a house filled with strife. Strife that will be the direct result of the man's actions. It is hard to pray during relational conflict. Anger can harden our hearts, hence the warning not to sin in it. So instead of the two being one, each feels isolated and alone, and quite probably isolated from God as well.

That may be the hindrance to prayer that Peter is envisioning. Strife creating chaos and lack of desire to seek out and connect with God. Or maybe if we are inclined to turn our face to God, it is with the intent of manipulation ("God please change my wife!") instead of repentance and gratitude.

The hindrance being in our desire to offer the prayer rather than in God's ability to answer it.

Monday, October 17, 2011

Foot Loose

I have to come clean, my wife and daughter have sucked me into another season of Dancing with the Stars. It is only my second season, but I was adamant at the beginning that I did not need another TV show to watch. My daughter loves the dancing and Bruno's emphatic evaluations, so I find myself drawn in, sharing in her joy.

As I watch, along with millions of others, my wonderings turn to why this show about ballroom dancing is so immensely popular. Along that line, why is ballroom dancing rising in popularity? And I watch and I wonder.

Then this week a possibility occurred to me. It's men and women.

More specifically, it is men being encouraged to be the man and women encouraged to be the women and the beauty that results when those roles are embraced.

In a culture that had encouraged men to check their 'man card' at the door and be more passive and docile, less forceful and more Easter bunny, happy to play video games and have their moms make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches (with crusts cut off) - within the context of this kind of culture we are drawn into this world of dance where the man must exude strength. Strength both physical and in leadership.

The man guides the dance, leading the steps and guiding the frames of both partners. He must maintain a firm grasp on his woman. He must lift and support and swing and twirl the woman as they, as one form, a single unit, navigate the expanse of the dance floor.

Yet, it is not a partnership where the man is holding the woman down. His strength has the purpose of showing off the woman. Giving her the platform for her beauty and grace to shine through. In the good dance couples, the man draws our attention to the woman; she is his treasure to be showcased.

In this dance of equals, the woman allows herself to be led. Knowing that in the hands of a capable man, her beauty will be allowed to shine forth. She must trust his grasp, firm enough so she won't fall, yet not so much that it inhibits her movement. Her movement prove her trust in the strength of her man.

In all the dance, the man holds the woman's best interest first and foremost, not because he is the partner that does not matter, but because that is what he was designed for - what his role is. For the woman, she places her complete trust in the man, now because she is the partner of lesser worth, but knowing that is what will allow her to flourish and be showcased.

The dance is beautiful when both partners embrace their roles and don't resent or fight against their part. This is our ideal of what a relationship looks like. What our souls are restless for, but which is so hard to obtain in our cultural system. So we tune in to get a glimpse on the dance floor of what could be in our own lives.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Chosen

In the past couple blogs, I've made mention and begun to develop the ideas of a reflected sense of self and the very real, continual battle between our false self and our new, true self in Christ. There is a lot to unpack in those ideas and their relationship to our developing identity in Christ.

We hear a lot in our culture about people "finding themselves" and "getting to know who I am". This is an identity statement. Quite often this is a response to a bad relationship or a child leaving the home. They now want to find out who they are outside of the context of a bad marriage or parental authority. The underlying premise of this statement is that there is someone who I naturally am, and I want to let that person come out and play.

Trouble is, to define ourselves we need some sort of reference point. Thus, what is really meant by finding oneself is, who do I become if I change the reference point. Instead of a marriage being the source of that definition (identity), maybe self is view as an artist, or as a mother, or a social worker.

None of those things are going to satisfy the restlessness of our soul. Our longing for significance, to right the tragedy of the fall. The image of the Creator in us longs for this. As a result, we form idols in our lives - relationships, sex, money, parenthood, fantasy football - that we can 'control'. It is our desire to be like a god. Just like Adam.

Christ wants to be our identity. Not to crush us or to make the Borg (Star Trek reference, sorry) out of us, but to release our true self. That self God created can only be found in Christ. Our sense of our self must be reflected to us by Christ.

Having Christ reflect our sense of self to us requires that we know the truth; it is the truth that sets us free. So, we need to know the Gospel and hide it in our hearts in order that we can have a Gospel that we tell ourselves.

A way to open ourselves to God. A way to deny our false self and embrace our true self in Christ. Especially as we fight the battle against alternative sources of significance.

The more I learn about my brokenness, the better formed the Gospel I tell myself becomes. One of my battles (yes, it is a many fronted battle) is with my circumstances. It is easy for me to fuse the status of my standing with God and the state of my circumstances. For the last few months I've been training for a half-marathon. Thirteen and one tenth grueling miles. It was going so good, a source of success amidst the seeming uncertainty and chaos of the rest of my life.

I hadn't even become aware how much significance I was placing in my new found ability until I tweaked my hamstring. Hurt to run, had to limp home. As I was doing so I just became devastated by this turn of events and it became a catalyst for me. The one thing! It's all I had! Tearfully I turned my head to the night sky and yelled "God, I know in my head that you are for me, but I am having so much trouble believing that right now! Everything is such a mess!"

After a somewhat downcast night of sleep, the next morning God was going to answer my temper tantrum. Reading Ephesians 1, I was reminded that running was not the one thing; God himself chose me in Christ - that is the one thing. And significant to so much of what I struggle with in denying my false self. Being chosen is not part of the Gospel I preach to myself.

I am chosen in Christ, my circumstances don't dictate God's approval of me. God notices me when no one else does. If God went to this trouble, my life is significant. I am God's creation, created with a purpose.

Picking the right reference point has enabled me to be certain of who I truly am.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

The Epic Battle

It would be so much harder to understand the teachings on theology of the apostle Paul if he did not give us such a clear picture of his own weakness. But, because of his own experience as a follower of Christ living in a fallen world, Paul is able to describe for us the epic battle that goes on in each of us while we live in this world working out our salvation.

The battle is between our sin nature and our new identity in Christ. They are in conflict with each other, each desiring what is contrary to the other. One of the lies that we believe is that if you feel the dissonance of this struggle, you are somehow following Christ wrongly, or God has turned away from you, or our faith is not real, or worse yet, that we were not really saved in the first place.

There is no promise that this battle goes away before we see Christ face to face. Jesus himself promised that this battle would rage for us when he declared that following Him would require that we deny ourselves - the false self - every day as we take up our cross and follow him. He promised trials of many kinds as our new identity presses in against the broken systems of this world.

But the pill that we try to get ourselves and others to swallow is that Jesus added to your life makes everything work out. When it doesn't, rather than working though our doubts or allowing God to mold our faith in the face of trials, we head right for disallussionment. Feeling like we were promised a quick fix rather than a slow, epic battle.

So my false self and my self in Christ battle about performance. Evaluating quality of follow-ship by results. Poor performance leading to shame and a wondering how I can be loved if I fail so miserably. Placing more stock in our own performance (that's the sinful nature talking) than on what has been done for us in Christ.

Or the battle is over circumstance. If I'm loved, then my life's circumstances will show it. When things are good, God is for me and when things are down, then God must have run away. That's a spiritual life on a sine wave, always looking for something outside to validate how tight I am with God.

Fortunately God declares to us that He is faithful. That He doesn't play favorites. While the two natures battle within us, Christ promises never to leave nor forsake, but to bear the burden of the battle with us. That's why Christ invites us to follow Him into weakness. It's not our effort that defines the relationship, as the false self teaches, but being cloaked in Christ.

As we participate in this epic battle, it is necessary to be prepared to shine light on the sinful nature. Denying ourselves means knowing what we are denying. Darkness flees the light. We must be able to dispel the darkness with truth - a reminder of who we are in Christ - the Gospel that we preach to ourselves.

The battle will rage every moment of every day, yet it is a battle that is already won in Christ; success is in how we fight.