Unwrapped

So now it is over for another year. The gatherings that we look forward to are long over. Presents that we longingly anticipate have been unwrapped with the pretty paper laying strewn all over the floor. When that last gift is opened and Christmas is behind for another year the question lingers - Is that all?

It becomes time to deal with the disappointment and sense of being let down. No more parties; no more decorations; no more pretty packages promising to cover our yearning. Is that all blends so easily into I thought I'd be happier.

Yet, our lives are like the holiday season; adorned with extras that somehow promise more to our sense of self than they were ever intended to deliver; while we pine for them we feel inadequate yet hopeful and when they are attained we feel let down and hollow.

If I just had a relationship, then...

If I could just lose 20 pounds, then...

If I just had a different job, then...

If I could just stop being depressed, then...

Or if I made more money, then...

If I just had a boat, then...

Or a child, or more sex, or friends, and the list can go on and on and on and on. There is an infinite list of things we can turn to dress ourselves up, make ourselves feel more worthy and acceptable.

Trying to create a sense of self, we lose ourselves.

In our culture the timing of Christmas and New Year's is unfortunate. At a time when we are forced to confront our disappointment in what we are relying on to create a sense of worth, we quickly approach the day when things 'start over' and we resolve to make the changes necessary to be happy this next time around.

Not that we shouldn't consider our behaviors and evaluate them. But, we should not use this evaluation as a barometer of our value as a person. A sort of acceptability litmus test.

Rather than using New Year's as a time to resolve new behaviors - new ways to wrap ourselves up to look more presentable in order to be accepted and chosen - why not let the holiday blues drive you to consider why you do not feel significant?

Only then can you begin the process (yes, there are no easy fix-its) of filling in that space, not with 'better' behaviors or 'acceptable' strategies or 'significant' goals, but with the truths that Jesus, the image of the invisible God, spoke to us and lived before us. Deny the false self.

Systems, powers, and people can devastate the soul. Indeed, there are pains that we are going to have to bear in this fallen, broken world. Take up your cross.

Jesus is not a magic pill making everything better. He is Savior. Comforter. Counselor. Overcomer. He plows the path, walking our steps with us, relieving our burden. Follow Him.

Keeping Christ in Christmas

This must be the season of confession. Last week, I was upfront about my man-crush on Tim Tebow. Today I have to confess to you that I have a little pet peeve regarding the "Keep Christ in Christmas" bumper stickers, church signs, and car magnets that seem to pop up this time of year.

Of course, they are a reaction to our culture's growing tendency to refer to this as the holiday season. Boldly I say, count me as one follower of Christ who fully supports this trend culturally.

First, it IS the season of holidays. There's Thanksgiving. And Hanukkah. Ramadan. Kwanzaa. Probably others of which I'm not aware. It seems the height of Christian arrogance to make everyone use our name for a certain time of the year. It dismisses others’ points of view. Whether or not we agree with their belief system, it does not put us in their good graces to have an open discussion about Christ. It creates defensiveness; and us-against-them which closes people off.

More importantly (in my estimation), do we really want the name Christmas associated with the consumerism and commercialism that runs rampant in our culture and amps up at this time of the year? Short answer: No. No, I don’t.

So if Wal-mart wants to call it a “Holiday Sale”, Best Buy wants to have a giant “Happy Holidays” sign on the front of the store, or the mall wants to promote “Winter Savings”, they can do it with my blessing. I am totally on board with that. In fact, I view it as a favor. One less battle I have to fight with those who argue Christmas is nothing more than gifts, parties, and shopping.

Rather than point catchy slogans at and creating guilt in people who do not follow Jesus, here is an idea for all of us about how to "keep Christ in Christmas": love one another.

Jesus himself said that all men would know that we are his disciples if we love one another. Our missional love creates attractional followers.

Start now. Use this Christmas as a marking point to begin to intentionally seek out ways to demonstrate love. Then carry those demonstrations of love the whole year through.

It may start with developing love for yourself. It is impossible to love others if you first don't love yourself. (Why? The Cliff's Notes answer is that if you do not love yourself out of an identity in Christ, any demonstration of love will be a selfish demand for validation and worth. We can talk more about that later.) Look no further than Christmas for a reason to start to love yourself.

God became flesh because you are worth loving. He created you. He chose you in Christ. THAT'S the reason for the season, and that's a big deal.

Once you start that lifelong process, be generous. Bless others, especially your enemies. Give to those who have need. Spend time with those who have no one. Get to know your neighbors. Actually listen when people talk to you. Slow your life down enough to notice all the needs around you. They are there; we all just maintain such a breakneck pace that we don't realize needs are right next to us.

That's how we can keep Christ in Christmas.

O Christmas Tree

For another year, the task is done. The tree has been dragged out of the garage and meticulously assembled in the living room. I've crawled around in the attic to find the bins labeled "Christmas ornaments" and pulled them down - at great risk to life and limb. (Actually, with my weight loss, for the first year ever I am under the suggested weight of the attic stairs that I installed eight years ago; less risk than ever!)

Decorating the tree is probably the one holiday task that the three of us (the wife, the daughter, and I) all do in unison. This year we made the $0.59 investment in new hooks, turned up some Christmas tunes on the surround sound, and we hung ornaments with various levels of familial significance on the tree limbs.

As I was hanging the "baby's first Christmas" ornament on the tree, it occurred to me that decorating the tree was a picture of our lives. We've got lots of ornaments, or accessories, with which we dress up our lives. The more the better to give our lives more meaning and value. When we're with others, we can use the accessories to compare and covet. Christ is not immune to being relegated to one of the branches of our lives.

Because making Jesus our identity is difficult, requires reflection, and often causes us to suffer,we then settle for making Him an accessory in our lives.

When Jesus plays the role of accessory, He is there to make us look good. Christ becomes a mask that we wear in certain situations, usually when it is convenient and necessary. But when we accessorize, if we are honest, if our Jesus ornament was taken away, life would be pretty much the same. We were 'good' people before, and we'd be 'good' after. Jesus makes no noticeable difference to our day to day decisions or behaviors.

So we end up running to other things in order to build up our identity. More accessories.

Accessories fit into the space that we have for them like that low branch on the tree that needs something so as to not look so plain. Problem is, accessories get lost in the crowd. My daughter found a large bead on the floor that fell off one of our much loved ornaments. As dad, it is my job to find and fix the ornament, but I cannot find it. It is lost on the tree among all the other decorations. So the piece sits on the counter until after Christmas when we de-decorate the tree. It is one ornament among many, getting lost in the crowd, ironically losing its significance because of all the other precious decorations that are its neighbors.

Like Jesus. Lost among the gym, work, book club, recycling, marriage, and all the other accessories that we turn to in order to feel significant and valued. One among many. Something we pull out in appropriate situations, then put back on the tree.

Judas had Jesus as an accessory. Wanting to overthrow the rule of Rome, Judas sought Jesus on his own terms. Fitting Jesus neatly into his already established beliefs about the messiah. And in order to speed things along, Judas sold his accessory for 30 pieces of silver.

Accessories are easy to give up or become the object of our blame when they are not serving our purposes. We control the accessory.

If Jesus is just to be an accessory in our lives, we are bound to be disappointed. We'll blame him and question him, but the problem is that we won't have given our lives fully to him. Rather than him being an ornament on us, we are to be IN him. In Christ. We are to disappear in the covering of Christ. A new identity; a new creation that changes everything. Changed by His work, not by dressing ourselves up with ornamentation.

Problem is, identity change is a daily battle. It is much easier to don the ornament and move on to the next thing. So we end up with crowded lives that look like each year's Christmas tree.

For Our Own Good

A friend of mine and his wife are currently trudging through the desert, though they might not be aware of that name for what they are going through. They are childless and trying to adopt and the process seems to be throwing them dead ends at every turn. Most recently, after getting into the final two of one young mother's selection process, they were forsaken for someone who seems to be less a match for the mother's wishes.

Unfortunately, this process has opened them to a lot of rejection. Which in turn brings up a lot of questions and doubts. Why not us? Should we even want this? Aren't we attractive as parents? On and on the assault against the self goes.

Two paths emerge from this desert journey, a fork in the road that has been introduced before, either running toward the mirage of or letting the lack that the desert represents create a holy desperation for the One who quenches thirst.

Often we confront people in the desert with the counsel that "in all things God works for the good of those who love him." But my observation is that usually that provides more comfort to the giver of the counsel than the receiver.

Underlying that counsel is the logic that if we just love God well, He'll give us good things - defined to be the things we want. Thus, in the case of my married friends, if they just try harder to love God, they will be rewarded with a baby. A lack is perceived as a defect in our ability to love God properly.

But, is that the good to which the above verse quoted from Romans if referring? My hunch is no. There is one good that God is driving us to, and that is the person of Jesus.

God is so much less concerned with our enjoyment of this life than He is about creating desperation in us for Jesus.

It's not even close.

God's ultimate good, the only blessing that matters, is that we would be secure and complete in the embrace of Jesus. Through listening to the heartfelt sorrow of my friend, it has occurred to me that this is what the season of advent is for.

We spend four weeks waiting. Preparing. Anticipating the arrival of the One. Wonderful Counselor. Almighty God. Everlasting Father. Prince of peace. We fast. We pray. We search the scriptures. All in the effort to make room and be ready for the arrival of the Gift God prepared for us in the beginning.

Advent is intended to create desperation. Then the celebration can start.

Yet, it does not end there. Advent is our yearly reminder that, just as Jesus came into the world once, He has promised to return. Just as we spent four weeks intentionally preparing for the babe, our lives are intended to be spent preparing for His return.

Ultimately, that is why God uses the desert. It is for our own good.

What Are We Doing to Tebow?

I will confess right now to having a man-crush on Tim Tebow. Nothing too surprising there, since two-thirds of men in America right now would probably (if they are honest) claim the same thing. (Click here for an example of the hoopla.) There are multiple reasons for my admiration of him.

I love that he is a Florida Gator. He went to 'my' school and he represents the Gator Nation so well. At a time in UF's football history when there were a few too many run ins between football players and police officers, you never had to worry about Tim providing an embarrassing blemish to the university's image. You still don't. It only helps the man crush that right now, along with a plaque commemorating his 'promise' speech, there is a statue of Tebow outside the stadium alongside the Gators' other Heisman trophy winners Steve Spurrier and Danny Wuerffel.

I love his leadership. In college the most famous instance of this is his "Promise" speech. After a lethargic loss to a much overmanned opponent, Tebow promised that he would personally work harder than any other player and the team would play harder than any other. Proved true, they won the national championship that year.

Even on his pro team, this may be his greatest attribute. Much maligned for his 'lack' of football skill, Tebow has at times indeed performed poorly. Yet, he has led and inspired a team to perform beyond what they did before he was the starter. There would be no Tebow-time if the defense didn't keep the game close. Tim got the defense to buy into his leadership; quite the undertaking considering how loudly many 'experts' were chiding the decision to start him.

I love his beliefs. Tim Tebow follows Jesus. He seems to have his identity in Christ securely in place. Many, many people do not understand why he thanks God, calls Jesus his savior, has stayed a virgin, focuses his attention on the Philippines, and then says that football is not a big deal. And that tune has not changed since college. If he was seeking his sense of self from all the media, pressure, fame, money, etc., it would be easy for that to seep into and shape his behaviors. It seems not to with Tim and that gives testimony to the security of his identity.

So now that I've confessed and explained my man-crush, my question is what are we doing to Tim Tebow?

After this weekend's victory over the Bears, I checked out the #Tebow feed on twitter, and the overwhelming response from those whose profile describes them as believers in Christ is that winning is what happens when you love God well. Stated another way, the reasoning goes like this: Tim loves Jesus, Tim tells people he loves Jesus, Tim does good things for Jesus, so God wants Tim to win football games.

That is flat out ridiculous.

Not only that, it is damaging to the Gospel message that Tim and a whole host of others are living for. Among the damaging questions...

If you say God wants Tim to win, then what about when he loses a game? (It will happen, it's part of playing.)

Does that mean Tim is no longer in God's favor?

If Tim had lived better for Jesus, he would have won?

What about members of the Bears who love Jesus?

Does God play favorites?

Each of these questions can and will be personalized. If I am not experiencing success, does that mean God does not love me? Or that I've done something wrong? Or has He left me? Is God fickle?

I know what some Christians are trying to do, use Tebow as an evangelism tool. "Look at his success, that's what following Jesus is like!" Yet, that is not everyone's (or even most's) experience. There are Christians who live in abject poverty, many live under constant threat, some live in the battle of addiction, others live an unheralded life. Attaching relationships like Tebow's success proves God's love sends a message about God that is false.

What happens when someone's experience of God is different than the success they were promised? Now we have created a stumbling block to people seeing who God really is. Let's not do that to Tim Tebow.

The Dilemma

My wife and I are facing a Christmas dilemma involving our ten year old daughter. Both sets of grandparents are putting the screws to us about this and we have no answers. We check in with said daughter and she is nothing but a mystery shrouded in an enigma. All we want is the answer to one question so that we can get everyone off our backs...

What do you want for Christmas?

Here's the thing, when we do ask this question, my daughter does have an answer, it is just not what anyone wants to hear. The list is basically a statistically representative sampling of the items stocked in the toy aisle of the local Dollar Tree. We've got fart putty (which I'll admit liking myself), little plastic pigs, feather boa and other various treasures that all cost nothing more than 100 cents.

And while I am happy that my daughter knows what she wants, it is more than a little humorous on the level of gift that she will settle for. You see, the grandmothers (probably not unlike most grandparents) will buy anything for her. Case in point, a couple years ago the daughter saw a pair of earrings at Wal-Mart (we only shop at the best places) and described them to my mom. As a gift that year, the daughter received three pairs of gem stone earrings, one diamond, one ruby, one emerald all with certificates of authenticity from a well known local jewelry shop.

As an aside, I had been pretty proud of the 100% silver hoop earrings that I had bought for my beautiful wife, but they did not come with a certificate of authenticity. Yet, my wife's first question for my daughter was, "can we swap sometime?" I relate this with absolutely no bitterness since I was considering getting my ears pierced so that I could borrow a pair.

Anyway, the riches of the world await this daughter of mine, yet when asked to choose, she opts for fart putty (again, not so bad) that costs 20 nickels.

While I was belaboring telling the frustrated grandparents of their granddaughter's answer to the desire-of-her-heart question, it occurred to me that this is the exact picture of what we do with God.

God, too, promises us the desires of our heart and we so often get caught up making requests for a happy marriage, the kids to behave or more money in the bank. Not that we aren't supposed to desire these things or that the need to eat isn't pressing, but asking for these things is like asking for dollar store earrings when you could get diamond studs.

The riches of heaven await - in the form of Jesus. It is Jesus that is to be the desire of our hearts. He is the blessing. God stands at the ready to pour out an ever increasing amount of his Spirit out on us. When we make selling the house the preeminent desire of our heart, we treat God as if His gift of Jesus is in some way inadequate. Ultimately that is God's objective, that we would desperately seek Jesus.

(Addendum: I wanted to end this blog with the previous paragraph, but feel like I should make one clarifying statement: in no way am I claiming that we should not present our requests to God or that He is aloof to any of the needs of our life. Scripture is clear on both of those issues. Often we try to pray away the very thing(s) that God is trying to use to draw us closer to the Savior. So, what I am driving at is, "Is Jesus enough?" If your marriage never gets any better, if your financial situation never improves, but you do have an identity in Christ - would that be OK? The question that hangs on my wall when I get to work everyday says it like this "Are you living for heaven? Or do you live demanding life be like heaven?" My false self fights for the latter, while my new creation longs for the former.)

"A Vacation From Ourselves"

The other night I happened to be up late and decided to wind down with an episode of my favorite show - Seinfeld. Maybe you've seen it, the self proclaimed show about nothing, but at the same time it's a show about everything. All the annoyances, worries, relationship issues, and minutia that would not be the substance for any other show were tackled by this group of four friends that spent so much of their time sitting and talking in a coffee shop.

On this particular evening, as I got comfy and drowsy on the couch I was met with this familiar scene (I've seen them all several times, Seinfeld is my comfort food):

The usually clean shaven Jerry and George sitting on opposite sides of their usual booth at the coffee shop, both sporting thriving mustaches and having another meaningless conversation about what Holland is. When Jerry is suddenly overcome declares that he can't stand the mustache any longer. George concurs that he hates his too, feeling "like an out of work porn star". It seems when the idea of taking a summer vacation had come up, the extremely frugal and commonly unemployed George suggested a "vacation from themselves" by growing facial hair. It would be better than a real vacation he had proposed.

So, in order to experience the freedom, rest and peace that a vacation would bring, the two fellows decide to change something about their external appearance.

They still visited the same coffee house.

With the same people.

Ordered the same thing.

Read the same paper.

Had the same conversations about nothing.

And experienced a profound disappointment with the results.

Not only were they let down by the results of the change, but they were uncomfortable with the new selves that they had created.

It is far easier and all too common to look at following Christ as taking a vacation from ourselves. Rather than adopting a new identity, we put on holy behaviors. (Sounds like a white washed tomb.) Unfortunately, if we force ourselves to simply act in a new way and stop short of developing this new identity - by looking at what was driving our old identity and becoming aware of the extent of our brokenness - we will be disappointed with the results. Just like the itch of a newly grown mustache (ladies, does growing your leg hair out itch as much as does men's facial hair?), the new covering for the old self will be uncomfortable and exhausting. A futile exercise in self effort.

Just as new wine cannot be put into old wineskins (to quote the Master), the Spirit cannot be put into the old self. The Spirit is intended to shed light on and revive our image, the new creation, our true self.

For this to happen, change cannot just be on the surface. It may begin that way, but true, lasting change must germinate within. Having our interior have the light of Christ shed on it. Confronting our brokenness, not to adopt it as a new identity, but to know the destructive fire that shall be put out by the living waters within. The truth of the Gospel that we tell ourselves as our thoughts are taken captive.

This is a process more difficult than words can convey. It requires us to have the word hidden in our hearts. It requires us to be in community with others who do likewise. Although we do not do these things simply to have new behaviors to check off a to do list on a vacation from ourselves, but as the way to confront to old self as we enter into the sanctifying process of denying that self and following Christ as a new creation.

Desert Goggles

Psalm 78 takes a peek at the Israelites as they wandered in the desert. Here is part of what it relates to us...

But they continued to sin against him,
rebelling in the desert against the Most High.
They willfully put God to the test
by demanding the food they craved.
They spoke against God, saying,
“Can God spread a table in the desert?
When he struck the rock, water gushed out,
and streams flowed abundantly.
But can he also give us food?
Can he supply meat for his people?”
When the LORD heard them, he was very angry;
his fire broke out against Jacob,
and his wrath rose against Israel,
for they did not believe in God
or trust in his deliverance.

The Israelites were chasing the mirage, settling for the perceived oasis of lesser longings. While they wanted their stomachs full, God wanted to deliver them to the land of promise. This resulted in a nation that willfully challenged God.

We are hungry. We are thirsty. Yes, you gave us bread, but you didn't give us meat. These stiff necked people complained the entire exodus like a couple of kids in the backseat on the family road trip to Florida.

Thirst is created in the desert. Desperation. Yet, rather than letting their thirst compel them toward God, they resist and sin - and this comes out in their complaints against the Most High. Most telling is what the last verse above says about the source of complaining - it is a lack of belief and the absence of trust.

The source of complaining is an unbelieving heart. It is short-sighted and it is described above as sin. Completely the opposite of trust.

God is seeking to uncover the true self of who the Israelites were intended to be, and they resisted. Like them, in Christ God is leading us to abandon all that is false about our selves, and we resist. When what we want and desire does not come to fruition, when our expectations are not met, when our idols are not sacrificed to, when our circumstances do not measure up to others', the result is we complain. And we doubt. We stomp our feet and threaten and run away. We challenge God to provide the mirage.

Instead of viewing our circumstances through the lens of Christ, we view Christ through the lens of our circumstances.

The latter lens causes us to say things like "I deserve better", "this isn't fair" and "where is God?". God owes me heaven right here, right now.

With the former lens, our desert is still dry, still painful, still a hard, painful road to navigate. But it is trusting that God has a destination in mind. Laying aside the short term to be perfected for the eternal term.

It is not an easy lens to put on, requiring an awareness of our brokenness and a daily denial of self. But these desert goggles give us an awesome view of the beautiful God we follow who does not leave us nor forsake us in the desert places.