Blogging the Journey

So I have been sitting here before the keyboard for some time, staring at the screen. Even though a few people have recommended starting this blog, I have never seen myself as a blog-worthy. Strangely, compounding my apprehension is the fact that I have a little touch of fear as I begin this process. But in reality, who is going to see what I write? There are only like ten trillion other blogs online, so the chances of some pastor or church leader finding this blog, actually finding it interesting or applicable, and continuing to check in seem remote at best.

Actually though, that is exactly the reason I want to start this thing...because it would take an act of God for the right person to be here. That church leader who God may direct here might have just lost their last shred of hope because the mask they've been wearing has just become too exhausting. That church leader might be considering some poor choices they never thought they would be making and feel alone with no one to turn to who could understand how they got to this place. That someone may be you, the reader who has stumbled here and is reading my just formed blog.

I am a pastor who has been there, done that, and more. Which may be just the reason someone wants to keep reading, or better yet, needs to keep reading. To find another church leader...anyone who may be able to offer some comfort and counsel. God has really done a miracle in my life and one of my hopes has been that He could use my poor choices to save others the heartache and damage that my life has endured.

I fell into the trap of trusting my performance as a church leader as a measure of my relationship with God. Also, I was addicted to the approval of the people in the church at which I was an associate pastor. Sound familiar? I hid the dysfunction of my marriage from most everyone, and rather than confronting my fears, I was controlled by them and let them dictate my behavior. Making matters worse, I didn't feel like I could trust God or anyone else with all the stuff I struggling with...I was isolated and lonely...until a friendly female face came through my door. That was the beginning of my downfall.

The good news is that we serve a God who loves us. A God who rebuilds, reconciles, and restores. Yes, it is possible. Restoration is the journey that I am now on. Restoration of my relatinship with God. Restoration of my marriage. Restoration of my family. Restoration of authentic friendships. And hopefully, someday, restoration of my life in ministry, for I sense now more than ever God's compelling call on my life.

If any of this sounds familiar or is beginning to, then this is the place for you. We can walk the journey together. For me there are two purposes for this blog. First, I want to tell of the process that I've been though and continue on; the miracles, pain, successes, set backs, reflection, realizations, resources, what has helped and hindered. Second, I want to be used by God as a resource for church leaders who are somewhere on the self-destructive path. Please feel empowered to comment freely. If you need some private counsel, my email address (which my wife has access to) is available in the profile section.

As we get started, in order to honor my wife as she and I continue our healing process, access will be by invitation only. At some point in the future that will change. But, if you are here and know some church leader who may benefit from this blog, feel free to email me their email address and I'll add them to the invitation list.

Thanks for reading. My initial fear has been replace by excitement and I am looking forward to sharing God's miraculous path of restoration with you.