Great Expectations

The Bible character that I have identified with most during the recovery phase of my spiritual journey has been Peter. Of course, right? Everyone picks a good character. No one ever wants to be Judas or Ananias. Kind of reminds me of one of Kevin Costner's lines in the movie Bull Durham "How come everyone was someone famous in their previous life?" Only, I don't identify with Peter because of his successes, I could only hope to be a millionth the follower of Christ that he was, but because of the relatability of his failures.

In my mind now is the moment of Peter's denial. As he is being questioned around the fire about being a follower of Jesus who is now standing trial in a courtyard within Peter's view. Truth is, Peter was not a follower of THIS Jesus. Peter was not following a guy who was going off to die. As evidenced in the garden a few hours earlier, Peter was ready for a fight - he was a follower of Jesus the conqueror. The one who was going to free Israel from Rome and restore her to greatness among the nations.

Peter was following his expectations of Jesus. Probably all the disciples were. Maybe that is why Jesus was still so frustrated with them and why the twelve were having problems understanding the teaching of Jesus about why He was going to Jerusalem. It was hard to understand because that was not at all what these dudes were expecting.

I did this. And I don't think I am nearly the only one. Some start on their way with Christ following expectations rather than reality. Prosperity teaching makes sure that many are ripe for a quick let down. But others, like me, fall into following their expectations rather gradually - almost imperceptibly - until frustration begins to set in. As I've said before, for me God was someone to be pleased. The way my life was going indicated how well I was doing spiritually. And I then made the gradual shift to following my expectations rather than following Jesus.

It goes something like this - if I'm doing what I should, my marriage will work out and provide me happiness. If I'm doing what I should, then I'll get more opportunities to speak and teach. Peace in my home, a wife who expressly loves and respects me, growing opporunities for ministry, affirmation and approval, these were some of the expectations that I was following. It was pride. That was my root sin. I had traded the truth of Christ for the lie of my expectations. It wasn't health and wealth, but it was definitely a subtler form of prosperity.

That's the lie. Fathered by Satan, that life in Christ will be everything you want it to be. That you can have your cake and eat it too. There is a way to avoid the testing of your faith by trial and refining by fire. I bit on the lie and made my own way, and when things continued to fall short of my expectations I played God and made up my own rules. Lack of trust in God. Pride gone wild.

Christ paints a different picture. This life will have trials, this world will hate us for following him, following him will bring division in our families and relationships, those without the spirit won't understand us, we have to deny ourselves and take up or cross, there will be thorns in the flesh - that doesn't sound like the life of fulfilled worldly expectations.

I knew that. I used to counsel people about their sufferings leading to perseverance leading to character leading to hope. Hope in Christ was not what I was clinging to, it was rather hope in my expectations. Misplaced hope can do nothing but disappoint.

Peter eventually learned this. We all know what history says - he was crucified upside down; he shouted encouragement to his wife as she was lead to her death. Sounds like a guy who overcame his expectations and followed Jesus. Not because of what Jesus could do, but because of what He already had done - dying for his sins, so he could have reconcilliation with God and eternity with Him in heaven. Gratitude for what matters most.

I am grateful for God's love and for second chances (and for third and fourth chances too!). It has taken alot for me to get my perspective back in line - I have had to lose (or better stated, throw away) everything that I thought mattered so that I could see that God is enough - in fact, that He is the only thing. Although it tries to rear its ugly head, my pride has been replaced by brokenness and a first-hand understanding that I am dependent upon God. That makes me grateful for everything even when it's not what I expected.