"If it's worth doing, it's worth doing right."

Did your dad have a saying? My dad had two that I can remember. Mantras that we should have had printed on father-son matching t-shirts because they were used so frequently. In almost any situation my dad was able to display his wisdom with one especially oft used eight word phrase:

"If it's worth doing, it's worth doing right."

Until very recently, I had not thought much about the impact of this nugget of wisdom on my growth and development. Didn't really occur to me that is was something to evaluate. I don't want to dwell on the mistakes of my parent, but at the same time I am seeing that it is also important not to ignore them either. As I have been reflecting on myself, I have come to wonder why it is that in almost all of my relationships I expend so much energy trying to earn the approval of the other. Marriage, friendships, superiors at work, church members, and even God.

Well, like everything else, if the act of self reflection is worth doing, it's worth doing right. In and of itself, this expression is spot on. You should give your best effort; striving for excellence and working hard. As I think back though, it is how this mantra was lived out that provides the conflicting currents in my development.

I could never, even up to the point where I left home for college mow the front yard. That is the part people saw, after all. Or wash/wax the cars. (Maybe I should be grateful!) In probably the earliest incident that I can remember in this theme, 4th grade, I asked my dad to read a one page paper I had to hand in. He rewrote it, adding all sorts of new words beyond the vocabulary of the average 9 year old. Projects around the home I was the helper who held the flashlight or fetched the proper screw driver, but I was never the one getting his hands dirty. Just standing by, kinda watching, never participating. Even mom would get in on this action as she would go behind me and 'fix' my bed-making, straighten things up after me - you know, do things better than a pre-teen can do them.

This is not to say that correction wouldn't have been deserved or that teachable moments were not possible. I was after all a kid. My bed making had wrinkles. I probably would not have tightened screws all the way. Yes, the lawn would have had crooked lines. But isn't that all part of the training and maturing process? Instead, if it's worth doing, then it's worth doing right and that means you are not going to do it. Message received. You are not good enough.

Now let me qualify, in no way do I think my dad was being malicious. In fact, I really don't think he or my mom knew the message they were subtly sending. Yet, the reality stands that a boy wants to be blessed by his parents - particularly his father. You are a man - now dig this post hole!

It is a tough thing to balance. I want to be good enough. I'll work hard, because I want to give God my best, but I've got to remember that I have nothing to prove to Him. God knows everything about me and still loves me anyway. In fact, just as Jesus loved Peter though his many faults, He loves me as well. It is important for me to be aware of that healthy tension. I am approved by God.

In my relationships I need to live in that same confidence. I want people to see me as more than just adequate. Approval is a good desire, but should not be my focus. I need to be myself because that is what will honor God most. I have a lot to offer - God has really gifted me in a unique way. I'm a math guy who's good with people! (How many of those are there?) I can use the English language pretty well and am good at breaking complex things down for people to understand. There is so much more I could add to this list. If I haven't felt blessed by my dad, I certainly have been by my Heavenly Father. Thank you God.