Image Part 4: Reclaiming the Image

Jesus gives an interesting answer to an impossible question. When entrapped by the Pharisees and Herodians with the line "Is it right to pay taxes to Caesar or not?" Jesus calls for a coin.

This question was intended to sift Jesus, to see whose side He was on, so I'm sure the air was thick with anticipation. One side was going to rejoice that they'd found His weakness. When the coin comes, Jesus focuses solely on the image. Instead of determining whose side He was on, Jesus turns the tide like Maverick putting on the breaks for the MiG to blow by, and it becomes a question of whose side the question-askers were on.

"Whose portrait is this?" Jesus asks. He draws everyone to look at the image on the coin. It is clearly Caesar's. "Give to Caesar what is Caesar's..." and then the most fantastic part "and to God what is God's."

Jesus is reclaiming the broken image. Claiming ownership over all those who would have known the Genesis story by heart. God's image, though broken, was still part of everyone who heard Jesus' voice, and He was making a declaration that they should give themselves back to God.

In effect Jesus is dismissing this thing they have put so much value in. The Herodians with their identity in Rome and government support and protection. The Pharisees with their identity in following the rules and cleanliness. Jesus wants them to shed those false selves. See this coin, it belongs to Caesar, what's the big deal. Give it to him.

The false identities, attempts to cover the broken image, are self effort - products of the old, sinful self. Jesus is not trying to change their behavior here, He is reclaiming their image.

The image of God implies ownership and security. Jesus takes the shame away so we don't have to cover it by proving our own worth. Through Jesus we don't have to worry about Rome (or Washington), our spouses faults, body image, money, popularity, education, church size - we can stop pretending that our value and acceptability comes from those things.

That is freedom. That is rest. That is available only in Christ.

What are you seeking to be freed from?

In what ways do you struggle to let Christ reclaim the image?

Eddie Murphy and the Spiritual Life

Remember the movie Coming to America? Eddie Murphy starred as an African king who has come undercover to America to find a wife who would fall in love, not with a king, but with a regular guy. In typical romantic comedy fashion, after a misunderstanding that nearly kills the relationship, Eddie lands his girl.

The connection to be made with the spiritual life is from the father of the love interest. He owns a fast food joint called McDowell's. As the name suggests, it bears a striking resemblance to a multinational hamburger chain. Throughout the movie, Mr. McDowell denies that he is ripping off McDonald's (their Big Mac has seeds, ain't no seeds on the bun of a Big Mick).

Outside the watchful eyes of others, within his own office, Mr. McDowell pours over the McDonald's corporate manual. He wants to do everything by the book. Success is to be found in imitating the big boy's playbook to the letter.

That is what we do in our spiritual lives. We want rules to obey. Steps to follow to get to a clearly attainable goal. A way to know if we are doing things right - and by right we mean by comparing ourselves to how others are following the rules.

It's religion. Masking the false self. Breeding shame. Ultimately rule following and comparison ends in death. Self-effort drives us away from God.

Yet we want this in our marriages. Give me the corporate manual so that I can do the things that will get me the things that I want. Then I'll be happy and satisfied.

And in parenting we want a user manual to give us tactics to practice on our kids so we will get predictable results. Kids that behave the way we want them to.

Some start churches, ministries, or programs with the same one size fits all manual. Ignoring culture and context, we edit out God and want best practices that will make people fall in love with what we are doing.

Worst of all, that is how we treat Christ. The Bible is a user manual with the rules for us to follow so we can act just like Jesus. A worthy desire, but one that won't be realized until heaven or His return, whichever comes first.

Instruction manual spirituality ignores our world's broken condition. It ignores the war of the two selves. Ultimately, it ignores the need for Jesus by proposing that we can reform our own behavior and achieve our own perfection.

My aim, spiritually speaking, is not to be McDowell's, but to be McDonald's. Which require me to make space for Christ, the Author and Perfecter of my faith.

What I've Given Up For Lent

To be totally upfront with you, I have not celebrated Lent since high school. At that point, I also would not have called it a celebration. More like a nightmare. No dessert for 40 days. No treats. Just an exercise in will power.

It is that view of the spiritual life that caused me to abandon church during the college years when my girlfriend and I were out of the watchful eyes of our parents. Only reason I mention my girlfriend in that sentence is that she is the reason I was going to church. Sunday night was an extra opportunity to have a date with her. Now you have a complete picture of my adolescent spiritual life.

Not this year. It has occurred to me that Lent is about the false self. It is about turning away from something or somethings that give the false sense of value and acceptance. Something that, it is possible, you love more than God. It is denial of the things that give comfort and keep me from having to trust. Even as I continue to develop my identity in Christ, conforming to His image, it is possible to let the Lie creep in, to drift, and function as if something other than Jesus is necessary to make me whole.

It is with those thoughts running though my little brain, that I encountered this in one of the blogs I follow, the New Exodus by Chuck DeGroat (check it out):

Lent invites us to intentionally frustrate ourselves, to engage in a season of deprivation, which actually makes us more aware of the depth of our dependence on any number of things – a substance, our reputation, control, achievement, being right, being comfortable, being secure.

That became the catalyst for me. If you've read any of my past postings, you know that I'm a people pleaser. As I go through the daily process of denying myself and taking up this cross, I have been surprised by the number of ways the need for affirmation manifests itself. My pride wants satisfaction.

Which takes me to what I am giving up for Lent. I maintain this blog for me. I'm working out my thoughts on all this false self, identity, and spiritual life stuff as God directs. Anyone is invited to join, that is why the blog is open. My hope is that if people read they will find something helpful or something that resonates within them - I want God to use this journey.

Lately, though, I've gotten to looking at my 'stats'. Often. Too often. Then either being ecstatic or bummed depending on the number of you that are joining me. It's nice to be noticed. This is not your problem or me asking you not to read. I want you here, bring your friends, tweet and email anything you find of value. The problem is mine - it is my crafty false self in yet another new form. It is insecurity and the desire for affirmation to supplement what I get from God.

For the next 40 days I will not click the 'stats' link on my blog's back-end (is that OK to say?). I'm disabling Google analytics. And I'm going to work through the symptoms of withdrawal as they bubble up.

You are invited to check-in with me on this as often as you care to. Ask me about my Lenten commitment. Ask me how I'm dealing. I'd appreciate your friendship.

Image Part 3: Covering Up the Broken Image

The moment they partook in the fruit that was forbidden by God they realized their nakedness. Everything changed. One moment their greatest worry was finding a new place in the garden to experience the beauty of all God made and the very next moment they realized that they stood naked before one another. That perfect image was broken and the first couple experienced shame.

Their vulnerability was on display and it was overwhelming. As they each looked at the other, instead of security, they were filled with questions and doubt. Shame entered the picture - the fear of not being loved nor accepted - and the result was an uncontrollable urge to make themselves more acceptable to the other.

So they sewed together fig leaves. To cover up their nakedness. The openness in which they lived with each other was now hidden behind a protective layer of chlorophyll. It might as well have been a wall.

New questions must have flew through their mind - Does this person love me? If s/he really knew me, deep down, they would run away. They are just using me. - Trust was in doubt. Instead of oneness, there was fear.

But this was not the end. Far from it - there are footsteps in the garden - God is coming! We must hide. Shame caused Adam and Eve to lose touch with the image. It was broken, and so was their relationship with the Creator

Rather than trust, there was now doubt about God's goodness, doubt about whether He really wanted what was best for them. With the Creator, the realization of nakedness was even worse - fig leaves were not enough - they needed to run away and hide among the trees. To cover their broken image, they hid from the one who created it.

We do the same things. In our relationships, instead of sewing together fig leaves we pursue social status, wear new clothes, are seen with the right people, have the right job, recycle, work out, believe what others do, are overtly sexual, etc. These things cover our shame, we think, and make us acceptable. Creating a barrier so that others will not know the real us, because to do that would open us to not being loved nor accepted. There is less risk with the fig leave. If we are rejected, then either I can fix my leaf or blame it on the inadequacy of the other.

Confronted by God, we run. We ignore. We blame and curse. We question God and his motives and ways. Throwing everything we can between Him and us.

The trees are all around us. Religion looks nice, but it is a forest to cover our nakedness. We create our own standards and truth so that we can make ourselves more acceptable, covering our broken image from our Creator.

The false self we create serves a dual purpose - it is a barrier to others knowing us, and a way to hide from God. In our broken state, the false self is our attempt to fix ourselves. Fig leave and forest.

In your relationships, what are the fig leaves that you struggle to overcome?

How do you mimic Adam and Eve's flight into the woods with God?

Repentance and Identity

I have been reading a wonderful book - The Divine Embrace: Recovering the Passionate Spiritual Life - by Robert Webber (highly recommended) and encountered an amazing definition of repentance that I wanted to share with you. Read, reread, and digest this.

God's vision for us is a reversal of our present identity...The old identity, like Adam, turns in on the self, worships and adores the self, preserves the self, lives out of the self. The new identity with Jesus is an identity with the second Adam. Now it is Jesus who shapes our self-understanding and action.

Repentance is to hear God's story and to be struck by its truth, in the heart - in the innermost chamber of our being - every day. Repentance is the desire to leave behind our old identity with the first Adam and continually turn toward a new identity in Jesus.

What do you think?

Image Part 2: Shattering the Image

Hand crafted in the image of the Creator, experiencing no shame, the man and woman were left to tend the garden God had placed them in. For an unknown amount of time, the two of them lived in this idyllic state. Until the Lie.

A serpent appears on the scene with the ability to talk. Myself, I hate snakes. Since I can never remember if it is "yellow on black, better step back" or "red on black, friend of Jack" or "red on yellow, you're a dead fellow", I just play it safe and avoid them all. Much more so a snake that could talk.

But that bit of wisdom was not available to our happy couple and they engage the crafty serpent in conversation. This serpent is intent on spreading a Lie; God held back on them, He really did not have their best interest at heart and could not be trusted. They were really less valuable then they were going around thinking. There was something they were still lacking if they were going to be complete.

The Lie was that there was something in addition to God that would make them whole.

Sound familiar? The enemy convinced God's image bearers that they were incomplete and not fully acceptable. It is the same Lie that all of us at some point believe. It is the source of our false self and it comes in a million forms. "I am not wanted." "I am not lovable." "God is nowhere to be found." "I am unnoticed." "I am defective." This list could go on and on.

Instead of being met with Truth, the Lie was met with acceptance. Rather than comparing what they heard with God's fixed truth, they verified according to another standard. Looks good. It is edible. It will make us more acceptable. Sin was born.

The image that God so meticulously made a part of Adam and Eve was shattered. It could not remain in tact alongside the violation of God's rule.

We still bear the image, but it is horribly broken. Our attempts to make ourselves more acceptable causes us to lose touch with the image. Consequences that the first couple will see immediately, and we'll look at in the part 3 of the image blogs.

What Lie do you try to satisfy in order to make yourself more acceptable?

New Math

Finally... I knew that at some point my background in mathematics would come in handy in my bloggings! Was chatting with someone last week about the thought process that we tend to follow when we rely on something other than Christ to add value to our sense of self.

In his book The Pressure's Off, Larry Crabb calls this the Law of Linearity, but it goes by many names and is the underlying theme of so many books on relationships, leadership, parenting, and even discipleship. It is really the conditional statement "if I do X, then I will get Y".

The premise or condition X has something to do with my behavior or what I have and value is reflected back to the self through the consequence, Y. It is a statement of the false self to satisfy the lie that we are living by which has the effects of being manipulative, exhausting, and ultimately results in a never ending cycle of dissatisfaction.

It looks something like these...

If I please my boss, then I will get affirmation.

If I am a good parent, then my kids will turn out great.

If I do something to make my wife happy, then she will have sex with me.

If I am pretty enough, then he will stay with me.

If I get new job, then I will be happy.

If I get married, then I won't be lonely.

If people need me, then I will not feel insecure.

If my preaching is good, then my church will grow.

There is nothing wrong with wanting your kids to turn out great, having a church that is growing, or desiring to have sex with your wife. Those and the others are normal, healthy desires. The problems arises when good things become ultimate things. For instance, when rather than having a desire for affirmation, it becomes a need that the sense of self is dependent upon. Here we end up with a sense of self that is based on things that are prone to change, are not constant, and are going to leave us disappointed.

Desires are a normal part of life. When we attach a condition to them, they become expectations. If X, then Y (our conditional statement) is an expectation. Problem is that expectations go unmet, which leads to disappointment, hurt and shame. The New Math will help us to understand why. Unmet expectations turn the statement around. If not Y, then not X.

Flipping a conditional statement around and negating it is called the contrapositive. It is of interest to our discussion because the contrapositive is logically equivalent to the original. Equivalent means they have the same meaning - so when we turn them around, notice the affect on the self.

If I did not get affirmation, then I did not please my boss.

Notice that the weight of the result here is on me. I was not good enough, that is why I did not get what I needed. So, maybe I'll work harder next time to get the taste of what I need. The contrapositive to the Law of Linearity produces shame, because if only there wasn't something wrong with me or what I did, I would have gotten what I needed. We can see the same thing in the other contrapositive statements:

If my kids did not turn out great, then I am not a good parent.

If my wife won't have sex with me, then I did not make my wife happy.

If he will not stay with me, then I am not pretty enough.

If I am not happy, then I did not get the (right) new job.

If I am lonely, then I did not marry (correctly).

If I feel insecure, then people don't need me.

If my church does not grow, then my preaching is not good.

Sorry for the math lesson. I had to release my inner math nerd, and I hope it didn't distract from the point. The conditional statements that we convince ourselves are true are the result of trying to fix out own brokenness. So, I'll feel less broken (i.e. I'll get Y) if I do X. The unfortunate result is that when those attempts to find our identity fail, the result is further damage to our soul (the equivalent contrapositive).

The reality is that an identity tied to Christ will never forsake us. There is no "If I X, then Jesus will love me." It is just, Jesus loves me. There is no contrapositive, no weight, no self effort, and no shame. Just the truth of Jesus to substitute for our lie.

Book Review: The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown

My contention is that anyone, including followers of Christ, would receive some benefit from reading The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown. It is a delightful book about overcoming our shame - the doubt we have about our ability to be loved - and accepting ourselves as imperfect.

I'm not sure of Dr. Brown's spiritual beliefs, and that was a strength from me as I read this book through the lens of a follower of Christ. Her book aligns with the need for the gospel story quite well. She begins with a discussion of shame. What I learned about my own shame response made this alone worth the price of the book. Our attempt is to cover up our shame in order to make ourselves more acceptable and, ultimately, lovable. Awareness is the key.

From there, Dr. Brown takes the reader through ten Guidepost chapters in order to help us understand our own shame response and facilitate the acceptance of our imperfection. This is not a step-by-step "how to" manual (my favorite line of the book is the conference organizer that chided Dr. Brown with the words "people want how-to") and makes no claim to be. Rather, it is an exercise in understanding a significant part of our false self.

She calls this process of understanding our imperfections and not rejecting our worth wholehearted living. It is similar to The Lie. In the coming weeks, I look very forward to blogging about this material through the lens of Christ.

This book provides a great, well communicated explanation of our need for freedom from our shame. Additionally, it provides motivation for not appealing to other's shame in our relationships. Throughout the book Dr. Brown makes use of stories and anecdotes to make points. As you read, it is almost as if you are building a relationship with the author. To me, the best book is the one that makes you want to read it again hoping to see things you missed on the first read. This is one of those books. Five stars. Get a copy.

The Lie

We are told by Christ that we are to deny ourselves. But what does that mean? Is it just an exercise in changing our behavior, like picking the bad fruit off our tree in order to deny its existence? What of the teaching that bad fruit indicates a bad tree?

Shedding the light of Christ on our lives is more than just an exercise in getting my behaviors to match his. As if He is the jello mold that I must stuff the ugly mess of my life into. That belittles Christ, creating an example to be followed - the proverbial good teacher that we are more comfortable dealing with.

Christ is Savior. He is Redeemer. He is into restoration.

What creates bad fruit is a bad tree. That is the miracle of Christ - He changes trees. If we let him, submit ourselves and open ourselves to Him. Examining our hearts, taking a journey inward, is not about narcissism, but about understanding, denial and the light of the King.

Maggie Scarf has an amazing book on family systems that is related to this discussion. In Intimate Worlds she examines the Beavers System Model, which is an assessment of family functioning. The Beavers System measures behavior on a scale of 1 (being optimal) to 5 (being the family dictated by their pain).

What is so interested about the discussion of family systems is that Scarf makes clear that each system is created by adults that come into the system with, and also creates in its offspring, rules which they live by. A life 'truth' if you will.

Whether the members of the system are aware of the rules at a conscious level or not, they are propagated throughout the system. For most of us, this becomes the feeding ground of the false self. It is the lie that we believe; the very lie that helps to produce the bad fruit we are spending so much effort trying to control.

We are born into a broken world. They system that we are in continues to break us. Instead of putting Humpty Dumpty back together again, he is stepped on a further cracked. Mind you, in our families, this is usually not intentional. Most parents do not try to hurt their kids, they were raised in a system too. This is not a blame game, it is an awareness issue.

I'll use myself as a case in point. My lie was "I have to earn my needs being met, but ultimately someone else will deserve it more." So, I was a people pleaser. Earning my affirmation. I did the 'right' things and looked the 'right' way so that I could earn God's favor (and hence, I guess, my salvation). In my marriage, since someone else always deserves it more, I became passive. This lie that I was not aware of and had not formulated was holding me captive. Combating the fruit was futile, I had to address the tree.

Once you know the lie, you can substitute the truth. Moreover, you can experience the freedom of the truth because you know what to deny. You know how the enemy will attack. Struggles will remain as the two natures or our new self and false self battle, but we will improve at fighting the battle.

Then, in our followship, we can move beyond infantile obedience of doing something because we are supposed (where we all start), and proceed into the freedom to obey because we have exchanged the lie for the truth of God in Christ.

The Names I Call Myself

I enjoy the scene in the movie Cars in which Lightening McQueen is practicing his pre-race self talk.

Speed. I am speed. One winner, 42 losers. I eat losers for breakfast. Faster than fast. Quicker than quick. I am lightening.

His self talk is based on something outside of himself. Performance. Excellence on the race track. It builds him up, and will be effective as long as he can back it up. When he loses his step (or spin, since he is after all a car), then the life crisis will start.

The object lesson Lightening provides is that we do need to be validated by something outside of ourselves. Our sense of self is reflected to us. Yet to seek that in performance is very unstable ground. Performance is a moving target, always changing and hard to keep up. At some point you'll find out that someone else is better than you. That's life.

Case in point is my golf game. I don't get to go often, yet still find myself ridiculously competitive when I do get to go. A few weeks ago I went for the first time in months, with someone with whom I had not golfed before and very quickly my self talk went something like this: "you suck, you are such an idiot, only someone dumb would make that mistake" and I could embarrassingly go on and on.

During my diatribe, somewhere between holes 2 and 3, it struck me that I was making value statements. I wasn't just saying my game stunk. I was declaring that I stunk. All because of my performance (or lack thereof). So quickly I had fallen into the lie that my worth and my performance were directly proportional.

Jesus says that the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart. While I would never dream of declaring to another person that because of their golf performance they were an idiot or sucked or were worthless, that is exactly what I was doing to myself. Yet hardly do we seem to want to apply Jesus teaching on our words to ourselves. Maybe in our effort to not consider ourselves more highly than we ought, we just don't consider ourselves at all.

Regardless, performance is a poor foundation to base an identity on. When we perform well, we'll puff ourselves up, live pridefully, and view everyone else as beneath us - a la Lightening McQueen. Poor performance appeals to our shame response, causing us to question our worth and ability to be loved.

Our sense of self, or identity, is reflected to us. But we need something unchanging and consistent. Something solid. That is exactly what Jesus offers. Part of the journey is identifying and discarding the lies that we believe, and substituting them with the truth. The truth that God entered our story through Jesus. That through nothing but His love for us, we have been invited through Jesus back into God's story.

He wants us; He chose us; He loves us; He will not leave nor forsake us. That is the self talk we should be practicing.

Book Review: I Am Second by Doug Bender & Dave Sterrett

The book I Am Second by Bender and Sterrett is a series of brief testimonies by people, many famous and some not, highlighting how they reached the point of realizing they wanted their lives to be second to Christ. In your area, you may have seen the billboards with a picture and the words "I am second" intimated as a quote by the person pictured. This book is a product of the ministry of the same name, started by Norm Miller as a way to show people the reality of God's love.

There is a lot to commend about this book. My favorite thing about the text is the interaction with technology; the add-ons that are available by using a QR code reader on a smart phone. With as many stories that are told in the book, the number multiplies by at least three if you add the stories available online. Each story has an accompanying video that can be accessed the same way.

Also, the backgrounds and circumstances of the individuals highlighted in the stories are diverse. So, whoever is reading this book will likely find some story that resonates with their own. Each of the testimonies highlights the negative circumstances and decisions that God used to compel them into the arms of Christ. Very heartening to hear, repeatedly, how God has made good our of the bad we bring to him. A win for the book.

Yet, the number of stories is a double edged sword. In their brevity they retain a shallowness. Either intentionally or because of the short length, the stories focus on the conversion moment. While this moment is hugely important, the way the stories are told the moment is out of context of the larger story. Many stories gloss over struggles that may arise after conversion, often citing that the desire to do X no longer exists. It is true that for some God miraculously takes things away, more often than not in my experience the life in Christ is a battle with the old self. It would have been nice to get more pictures with a fuller view.

Overall, this book was a solid read. I'll lend it to a lost friend who is experiencing a dark night so that they may find encouragement in that their circumstances may represent God knocking on their door.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own.

Emotionally Healthy Spirituality

One of the books that I have particularly enjoyed has been The Emotionally Healthy Church by Peter Scazzero. In the opening pages, Scazzero shares the story of his broken life, ministry, and marriage. It immediately resonated with many facets of my own story of self-effort and making Jesus an accessory to my story rather than fully accepting the invitation to become part of His story.

The premise of this book is that emotional health and spiritual health are intertwined, which is something that modern western discipleship has failed to take into account. For that reason, it is rare for a follower of Christ to shine light on what is happening emotionally. Leading to followers who are hiding themselves from God, going through the motions of what they 'should' do and how a follower 'should' look, and eventually burning out or missing the point entirely.

As Scazzero points out, discipleship is not a one time event, but a process; one that involves transformation of the inner self in order to change the outward. Reading this book validated one of the tenants I have developed within Choosing to Trust - how can we properly deny ourselves if we do not know what it is we are denying?

Scazzero's writing style is clean and easy to understand. This book is a perfect intro read for those who desire a different perspective from the consumer and results driven Christianity that we find ourselves immersed in. If you want a rating, this book is one of my Top Shelf books, which would equate to 5 out of 5 stars.

On a related note, coming in May, Peter Scazzero and his wife will be leading a conference for church leaders on Emotionally Healthy Spirituality. If you have the means and are looking for something that would definitely add value to your church or community, this would be an excellent option. Follow the link for more details.

Source of Confidence

Being the father of a soon to be 11 year old girl has markedly raised my awareness of way we are constantly bombarded by images of the supposed ideals of feminine beauty. It is given that context that my heart sank the other night, when in the car on the way home, my daughter asked me if I thought she was fat.

I was thinking about my response to her this morning as I was listening to a public service announcement on the local sports talk station on AM radio. The name of the organization that had procured the spot escapes me, but the message was about women's self image and the last line has haunted me.

Help the next generation of young women see their beauty as a source of confidence.

All I've been able to ask myself ever since hear the ad is "Really? Isn't that the problem rather than the solution?"

I happened upon an interview with Demi Moore in People magazine recently in which she was asked about her fears. Her reply is telling. "What scares me is that I'm going to ultimately find out at the end of my life that I'm not really lovable, that I'm not worthy of being loved."

Here is a woman that lives in the Hollywood culture of beauty. She's been lauded for her beauty and is exactly what our culture would hold up as the standard of what a woman should look like. If anyone should be able to derive a sense of confidence from her beauty, it is Demi Moore.

But she DOESN'T have confidence. In fact, peeling back the layers reveals a deep insecurity in her value and her ability to be loved. Confidence in her beauty, developing her look, and maintaining her image have done nothing to give her a secure identity.

Physical beauty, whatever we define it to be, is fleeting. Maybe in her soul, Demi realizes this. Some day she is going to be wrinkled, sagging, and gray. Time will catch up with her like it does everyone else. Then what is there for her, or anyone else focused on the mirror for significance, to take confidence in?

Our view of ourselves is developed externally. We need an outside standard. So, it is important that we pick the right one to go back to; a cornerstone that is stable and unchanging. Physical beauty is not that standard for women or men; it is captive to whims, comparison, trends, and age. It will be facade that will exhaust the pursuer and leave them unsatisfied. Like Demi Moore.

That is why, when my daughter asked if she was fat, I first told her no. Her weight is normal for her age. We talked about how she eats lots of fruit and veggies, she exercises and is active, and that her body is changing. But, I also took the time to go further. The women she sees on TV, even the supposed plain and normal ones, are not real. It is a false standard. My daughter's body will be shaped differently, and that is OK because God is the one who made it.

Which goes to my ultimate answer to her. Beauty is not a source of confidence. Neither is anything else that requires a value comparison or a leader board, for that will ultimately lead to being unsettled and never sure if she is good enough.

My daughter's source of confidence should come from the fact that through Jesus, God has entered her story and invited her to be part of his. She is chosen and loved. Not because of what she's done, but because that is what He made her for. She bears the image of the Creator and is part of Christ's body.

Those things never change. Which makes them a true source of confidence.

Free To Be Me

I have a friend who was telling me about a conversation he had with his life coach and the excitement that he felt when told that he could be "free to be me". This was good advice for my friend, who is very much bound and gagged by many layers of protective behaviors.

So, for him the advice to be "free to be me" was allowing space to be imperfect. Creating safety to take of the mask and reveal the broken, yearning person underneath. Giving permission to like the things he does, regardless of whether those things fit in with what he is supposed to like. His life coach was speaking of healthy relational differentiation and developing the ability to love himself.

While the jury is still out on what my friend will do with this advice, being "free to be me" presents and interesting fork in the road. One path of the fork has the appearance of freedom, but it's an impostor. Too often I've seen people take the "free to be me" message to mean that it is OK to live in their brokenness and adopt that as their identity. So "free to be me" looks like free to lash out in anger, free to lust, free to gossip, or free to [insert sin here]. Freedom becomes a bulldozer. The need to live in this 'freedom' becomes a relational tyrant.

Remember the old Julia Roberts movie Sleeping with the Enemy? For those of you not in your early 40's, it is about a woman who lives with an extremely obsessive compulsive spouse. He wants the labels on cans facing the same way, the towels have to be perfectly even, she must look perfect and act happy. The consequence for failure or imperfection was physical violence - the lesson needs to be learned so it won't happen again. While the husband was just living "free to be me", he was a slave to his compulsive desire for perfection. So was his wife. She was devastated and her soul damaged by his freedom.

'Freedom', taken this way, holds both myself and those around me in bondage. That is the danger zone. True freedom should not infringe on the freedom of others. In fact, our freedom should allow others to flourish, blossom, and grow in their own. That is the other path on the fork.

This other path is the freedom to present our brokenness to the Father and allow Christ to be strong through us. Free to be dependent. Free to be weak. Free to allow Christ to bear our burdens for us. Freedom to not cover our shame with self effort, idols, and other's approval, but allow it to be covered in Christ. That is freedom that is life giving and gives us the freedom to love others. That is the freedom for which Christ set us free.

Category 5

We Central Floridians are funny about our weather. I think it all started in 2004, when we had three major hurricanes (is there a minor one?) cut a path right through our territory. It was a TV weather person's dream. Nothing but talking of high winds and rain for a couple months straight - with pictures at 11!

With that memory in every one's psyche, it has been easy to drum up weather anxiety. The problem has been a lack of major weather events in our area. Because of this lack of material, the weather people took to the airwaves during every thunderstorm to tell us it was raining hard. Flash flooding was possible.

Then, it wasn't raining enough and all the lakes were going to dry up.

To keep things fresh, now whenever there is even a solid cloud cover we are inundated with warnings about heavy rain and potential wins. They are having to dig deeper and deeper into the dry well to create an anxious response.

All this occurred to me the other night as I was watching TV with my wife on one of the local channels and in the lower right hand corner was the temperature - 54˚. You see, a cold front (thanks Canada!) was coming to town, so to keep us on edge, we had the current temperature on the screen like a New Year's Eve countdown. When we came back from commercial is was 52˚.

Mind you, I've seen people from Canada and Minnesota swim in resort pools at that temperature, and 54˚ might just be the summertime high in most of Maine. Apparently, we Central Floridians needed something else to worry about. Like Kim Jong Il's death already wasn't keeping me up at night.

What struck me, and I'm sure this is not a new realization for anyone who happens to have made it this far, is that the world drives all of us toward anxiety. Flipping over the Fox New just to check this out and one of the headlines is "Defcon 3" regarding our response to Iran. More anxiety.

It is just that way with the false self. If you have something, or want something, it is never going to be enough.

So, if you want security, then you have to worry about the Iranians, someone setting fires in cars, or if the plastic surgery you want is being performed by someone with a license.

If you want money, there will always be another deal.

If you want to be beautiful, there will always be someone younger.

You get the picture. Pick something outside of Christ that you want to give preeminent value, and it will never be enough. It's idolatry, and it will never satisfy or give you rest. You'll aways be making penance and never obtain forgiveness for lacking.

The beautiful picture though, is that Christ wants to drive us to peace. Not a peace that comes from having our circumstances changed - a plethora of money in the bank, friendship with Iran or perfect weather. That would be validating the false self. Allowing us to settle for idols

Christ drives us to peace by shedding light on why those things are so appealing to us, stripping them away so that we can enjoy his rest. This doesn't involve Christ changing our circumstances, but allowing Him to change us.

Not being anxious about anything, as Paul teaches, is not about stuffing anxiety down, wearing a fake smile, and telling people everything is fine. Rather, it is the intentional process of confronting anxiety's source, substituting truth (denying self), bearing that weakness (taking up our cross), and putting one foot in front of the other (following Him).

Sometimes the steps are slow. Laborious. Painful. Methodical. Maddening. Feeling unnatural. But that is narrow path of trust.

Of The People

Today is the day that the 2012 election season kicks into high gear with the Iowa Caucus. It brought to mind a conversation I had with a frustrated friend not too long ago who boldly declared "government is the problem, I wish it'd stay out of the way."

At the time, I was intrigued by the comment, because a couple weeks before at a men's group for which I provide coaching, someone ended a conversation with me by saying "corporations are ruining this country."

When complaining about these things, everyone seems to pick a different poison. Government, corporations, or...

"It's the banks that have created this mess."

"The media is out to get us, they are slanted too far (choose one: left/right)."

"The church has become too institutional and doesn't really help anyone."

Yet, each of these things, without one common denominator, has absolutely no power in an of themselves. They are inanimate systems. Nothing more.

What they have in common is people. Broken, identity affirming people. In every one.

All a bank does is take people's deposits (promising interest), and lend that money to other people (charging interest). I realize this is a touch oversimplified, but the point is that it's all people. At every step: depositing, processing, lending, and borrowing. Now, because of their brokenness, these people suffer from greed, deceit, and entitlement. That is the source of the problem.

Are corporations the problem? Corporations make things and provide services that we want. Again, at every step, it's people. People create, market, produce, and purchase the good or service. Broken people trying to create their own significance. So purchase things turns into consumerism. Greed treats people as a labor resource to use up so products can be made for cheap. Entitlement wants the products cheap. People who create the marketing convince us of our lack to we'll want what they are selling.

It's all people. Displaying their brokenness. And their need for wholeness, which they are trying to create.

So, back to my friend's declaration "government is the problem, I wish it'd get out of the way." He forgets, God institutes governments. They work for Him. It is something good He has given us to give us order and protection. But just like the other examples, government is people. People seeking affirmation of their values. (In our system) People voting to get what they want. People feeling entitled to security. People hoarding power in order to feel important.

While I love and feel blessed by our system of government, my belief is that if people lived the way God designed us to, if this world were not broken, any system would work as well as another (that is a catch-22, if this world was not broken, we would be content with God as king and would have no need for government, but you catch my drift, right?).

So as this contentious election season unfolds, let us in Christ try this on for size: don'tvillainize (that so rhymes!). Liberal government or conservative government, our priority is to follow Christ. That never changes.

Government is not our hope. Jesus returning to rescue us is our hope.

Government changing culture to suit us is not our message. Jesus' love and sacrifice is our message.

The Church acting in love. Our identity secure in Christ. Each of us breaking free of the idols of greed, consumerism, pride, et. al. THEN there would be fewer problems.

Unwrapped

So now it is over for another year. The gatherings that we look forward to are long over. Presents that we longingly anticipate have been unwrapped with the pretty paper laying strewn all over the floor. When that last gift is opened and Christmas is behind for another year the question lingers - Is that all?

It becomes time to deal with the disappointment and sense of being let down. No more parties; no more decorations; no more pretty packages promising to cover our yearning. Is that all blends so easily into I thought I'd be happier.

Yet, our lives are like the holiday season; adorned with extras that somehow promise more to our sense of self than they were ever intended to deliver; while we pine for them we feel inadequate yet hopeful and when they are attained we feel let down and hollow.

If I just had a relationship, then...

If I could just lose 20 pounds, then...

If I just had a different job, then...

If I could just stop being depressed, then...

Or if I made more money, then...

If I just had a boat, then...

Or a child, or more sex, or friends, and the list can go on and on and on and on. There is an infinite list of things we can turn to dress ourselves up, make ourselves feel more worthy and acceptable.

Trying to create a sense of self, we lose ourselves.

In our culture the timing of Christmas and New Year's is unfortunate. At a time when we are forced to confront our disappointment in what we are relying on to create a sense of worth, we quickly approach the day when things 'start over' and we resolve to make the changes necessary to be happy this next time around.

Not that we shouldn't consider our behaviors and evaluate them. But, we should not use this evaluation as a barometer of our value as a person. A sort of acceptability litmus test.

Rather than using New Year's as a time to resolve new behaviors - new ways to wrap ourselves up to look more presentable in order to be accepted and chosen - why not let the holiday blues drive you to consider why you do not feel significant?

Only then can you begin the process (yes, there are no easy fix-its) of filling in that space, not with 'better' behaviors or 'acceptable' strategies or 'significant' goals, but with the truths that Jesus, the image of the invisible God, spoke to us and lived before us. Deny the false self.

Systems, powers, and people can devastate the soul. Indeed, there are pains that we are going to have to bear in this fallen, broken world. Take up your cross.

Jesus is not a magic pill making everything better. He is Savior. Comforter. Counselor. Overcomer. He plows the path, walking our steps with us, relieving our burden. Follow Him.

O Christmas Tree

For another year, the task is done. The tree has been dragged out of the garage and meticulously assembled in the living room. I've crawled around in the attic to find the bins labeled "Christmas ornaments" and pulled them down - at great risk to life and limb. (Actually, with my weight loss, for the first year ever I am under the suggested weight of the attic stairs that I installed eight years ago; less risk than ever!)

Decorating the tree is probably the one holiday task that the three of us (the wife, the daughter, and I) all do in unison. This year we made the $0.59 investment in new hooks, turned up some Christmas tunes on the surround sound, and we hung ornaments with various levels of familial significance on the tree limbs.

As I was hanging the "baby's first Christmas" ornament on the tree, it occurred to me that decorating the tree was a picture of our lives. We've got lots of ornaments, or accessories, with which we dress up our lives. The more the better to give our lives more meaning and value. When we're with others, we can use the accessories to compare and covet. Christ is not immune to being relegated to one of the branches of our lives.

Because making Jesus our identity is difficult, requires reflection, and often causes us to suffer,we then settle for making Him an accessory in our lives.

When Jesus plays the role of accessory, He is there to make us look good. Christ becomes a mask that we wear in certain situations, usually when it is convenient and necessary. But when we accessorize, if we are honest, if our Jesus ornament was taken away, life would be pretty much the same. We were 'good' people before, and we'd be 'good' after. Jesus makes no noticeable difference to our day to day decisions or behaviors.

So we end up running to other things in order to build up our identity. More accessories.

Accessories fit into the space that we have for them like that low branch on the tree that needs something so as to not look so plain. Problem is, accessories get lost in the crowd. My daughter found a large bead on the floor that fell off one of our much loved ornaments. As dad, it is my job to find and fix the ornament, but I cannot find it. It is lost on the tree among all the other decorations. So the piece sits on the counter until after Christmas when we de-decorate the tree. It is one ornament among many, getting lost in the crowd, ironically losing its significance because of all the other precious decorations that are its neighbors.

Like Jesus. Lost among the gym, work, book club, recycling, marriage, and all the other accessories that we turn to in order to feel significant and valued. One among many. Something we pull out in appropriate situations, then put back on the tree.

Judas had Jesus as an accessory. Wanting to overthrow the rule of Rome, Judas sought Jesus on his own terms. Fitting Jesus neatly into his already established beliefs about the messiah. And in order to speed things along, Judas sold his accessory for 30 pieces of silver.

Accessories are easy to give up or become the object of our blame when they are not serving our purposes. We control the accessory.

If Jesus is just to be an accessory in our lives, we are bound to be disappointed. We'll blame him and question him, but the problem is that we won't have given our lives fully to him. Rather than him being an ornament on us, we are to be IN him. In Christ. We are to disappear in the covering of Christ. A new identity; a new creation that changes everything. Changed by His work, not by dressing ourselves up with ornamentation.

Problem is, identity change is a daily battle. It is much easier to don the ornament and move on to the next thing. So we end up with crowded lives that look like each year's Christmas tree.

The Dilemma

My wife and I are facing a Christmas dilemma involving our ten year old daughter. Both sets of grandparents are putting the screws to us about this and we have no answers. We check in with said daughter and she is nothing but a mystery shrouded in an enigma. All we want is the answer to one question so that we can get everyone off our backs...

What do you want for Christmas?

Here's the thing, when we do ask this question, my daughter does have an answer, it is just not what anyone wants to hear. The list is basically a statistically representative sampling of the items stocked in the toy aisle of the local Dollar Tree. We've got fart putty (which I'll admit liking myself), little plastic pigs, feather boa and other various treasures that all cost nothing more than 100 cents.

And while I am happy that my daughter knows what she wants, it is more than a little humorous on the level of gift that she will settle for. You see, the grandmothers (probably not unlike most grandparents) will buy anything for her. Case in point, a couple years ago the daughter saw a pair of earrings at Wal-Mart (we only shop at the best places) and described them to my mom. As a gift that year, the daughter received three pairs of gem stone earrings, one diamond, one ruby, one emerald all with certificates of authenticity from a well known local jewelry shop.

As an aside, I had been pretty proud of the 100% silver hoop earrings that I had bought for my beautiful wife, but they did not come with a certificate of authenticity. Yet, my wife's first question for my daughter was, "can we swap sometime?" I relate this with absolutely no bitterness since I was considering getting my ears pierced so that I could borrow a pair.

Anyway, the riches of the world await this daughter of mine, yet when asked to choose, she opts for fart putty (again, not so bad) that costs 20 nickels.

While I was belaboring telling the frustrated grandparents of their granddaughter's answer to the desire-of-her-heart question, it occurred to me that this is the exact picture of what we do with God.

God, too, promises us the desires of our heart and we so often get caught up making requests for a happy marriage, the kids to behave or more money in the bank. Not that we aren't supposed to desire these things or that the need to eat isn't pressing, but asking for these things is like asking for dollar store earrings when you could get diamond studs.

The riches of heaven await - in the form of Jesus. It is Jesus that is to be the desire of our hearts. He is the blessing. God stands at the ready to pour out an ever increasing amount of his Spirit out on us. When we make selling the house the preeminent desire of our heart, we treat God as if His gift of Jesus is in some way inadequate. Ultimately that is God's objective, that we would desperately seek Jesus.

(Addendum: I wanted to end this blog with the previous paragraph, but feel like I should make one clarifying statement: in no way am I claiming that we should not present our requests to God or that He is aloof to any of the needs of our life. Scripture is clear on both of those issues. Often we try to pray away the very thing(s) that God is trying to use to draw us closer to the Savior. So, what I am driving at is, "Is Jesus enough?" If your marriage never gets any better, if your financial situation never improves, but you do have an identity in Christ - would that be OK? The question that hangs on my wall when I get to work everyday says it like this "Are you living for heaven? Or do you live demanding life be like heaven?" My false self fights for the latter, while my new creation longs for the former.)

"A Vacation From Ourselves"

The other night I happened to be up late and decided to wind down with an episode of my favorite show - Seinfeld. Maybe you've seen it, the self proclaimed show about nothing, but at the same time it's a show about everything. All the annoyances, worries, relationship issues, and minutia that would not be the substance for any other show were tackled by this group of four friends that spent so much of their time sitting and talking in a coffee shop.

On this particular evening, as I got comfy and drowsy on the couch I was met with this familiar scene (I've seen them all several times, Seinfeld is my comfort food):

The usually clean shaven Jerry and George sitting on opposite sides of their usual booth at the coffee shop, both sporting thriving mustaches and having another meaningless conversation about what Holland is. When Jerry is suddenly overcome declares that he can't stand the mustache any longer. George concurs that he hates his too, feeling "like an out of work porn star". It seems when the idea of taking a summer vacation had come up, the extremely frugal and commonly unemployed George suggested a "vacation from themselves" by growing facial hair. It would be better than a real vacation he had proposed.

So, in order to experience the freedom, rest and peace that a vacation would bring, the two fellows decide to change something about their external appearance.

They still visited the same coffee house.

With the same people.

Ordered the same thing.

Read the same paper.

Had the same conversations about nothing.

And experienced a profound disappointment with the results.

Not only were they let down by the results of the change, but they were uncomfortable with the new selves that they had created.

It is far easier and all too common to look at following Christ as taking a vacation from ourselves. Rather than adopting a new identity, we put on holy behaviors. (Sounds like a white washed tomb.) Unfortunately, if we force ourselves to simply act in a new way and stop short of developing this new identity - by looking at what was driving our old identity and becoming aware of the extent of our brokenness - we will be disappointed with the results. Just like the itch of a newly grown mustache (ladies, does growing your leg hair out itch as much as does men's facial hair?), the new covering for the old self will be uncomfortable and exhausting. A futile exercise in self effort.

Just as new wine cannot be put into old wineskins (to quote the Master), the Spirit cannot be put into the old self. The Spirit is intended to shed light on and revive our image, the new creation, our true self.

For this to happen, change cannot just be on the surface. It may begin that way, but true, lasting change must germinate within. Having our interior have the light of Christ shed on it. Confronting our brokenness, not to adopt it as a new identity, but to know the destructive fire that shall be put out by the living waters within. The truth of the Gospel that we tell ourselves as our thoughts are taken captive.

This is a process more difficult than words can convey. It requires us to have the word hidden in our hearts. It requires us to be in community with others who do likewise. Although we do not do these things simply to have new behaviors to check off a to do list on a vacation from ourselves, but as the way to confront to old self as we enter into the sanctifying process of denying that self and following Christ as a new creation.