"A Vacation From Ourselves"

The other night I happened to be up late and decided to wind down with an episode of my favorite show - Seinfeld. Maybe you've seen it, the self proclaimed show about nothing, but at the same time it's a show about everything. All the annoyances, worries, relationship issues, and minutia that would not be the substance for any other show were tackled by this group of four friends that spent so much of their time sitting and talking in a coffee shop.

On this particular evening, as I got comfy and drowsy on the couch I was met with this familiar scene (I've seen them all several times, Seinfeld is my comfort food):

The usually clean shaven Jerry and George sitting on opposite sides of their usual booth at the coffee shop, both sporting thriving mustaches and having another meaningless conversation about what Holland is. When Jerry is suddenly overcome declares that he can't stand the mustache any longer. George concurs that he hates his too, feeling "like an out of work porn star". It seems when the idea of taking a summer vacation had come up, the extremely frugal and commonly unemployed George suggested a "vacation from themselves" by growing facial hair. It would be better than a real vacation he had proposed.

So, in order to experience the freedom, rest and peace that a vacation would bring, the two fellows decide to change something about their external appearance.

They still visited the same coffee house.

With the same people.

Ordered the same thing.

Read the same paper.

Had the same conversations about nothing.

And experienced a profound disappointment with the results.

Not only were they let down by the results of the change, but they were uncomfortable with the new selves that they had created.

It is far easier and all too common to look at following Christ as taking a vacation from ourselves. Rather than adopting a new identity, we put on holy behaviors. (Sounds like a white washed tomb.) Unfortunately, if we force ourselves to simply act in a new way and stop short of developing this new identity - by looking at what was driving our old identity and becoming aware of the extent of our brokenness - we will be disappointed with the results. Just like the itch of a newly grown mustache (ladies, does growing your leg hair out itch as much as does men's facial hair?), the new covering for the old self will be uncomfortable and exhausting. A futile exercise in self effort.

Just as new wine cannot be put into old wineskins (to quote the Master), the Spirit cannot be put into the old self. The Spirit is intended to shed light on and revive our image, the new creation, our true self.

For this to happen, change cannot just be on the surface. It may begin that way, but true, lasting change must germinate within. Having our interior have the light of Christ shed on it. Confronting our brokenness, not to adopt it as a new identity, but to know the destructive fire that shall be put out by the living waters within. The truth of the Gospel that we tell ourselves as our thoughts are taken captive.

This is a process more difficult than words can convey. It requires us to have the word hidden in our hearts. It requires us to be in community with others who do likewise. Although we do not do these things simply to have new behaviors to check off a to do list on a vacation from ourselves, but as the way to confront to old self as we enter into the sanctifying process of denying that self and following Christ as a new creation.

Desert Goggles

Psalm 78 takes a peek at the Israelites as they wandered in the desert. Here is part of what it relates to us...

But they continued to sin against him,
rebelling in the desert against the Most High.
They willfully put God to the test
by demanding the food they craved.
They spoke against God, saying,
“Can God spread a table in the desert?
When he struck the rock, water gushed out,
and streams flowed abundantly.
But can he also give us food?
Can he supply meat for his people?”
When the LORD heard them, he was very angry;
his fire broke out against Jacob,
and his wrath rose against Israel,
for they did not believe in God
or trust in his deliverance.

The Israelites were chasing the mirage, settling for the perceived oasis of lesser longings. While they wanted their stomachs full, God wanted to deliver them to the land of promise. This resulted in a nation that willfully challenged God.

We are hungry. We are thirsty. Yes, you gave us bread, but you didn't give us meat. These stiff necked people complained the entire exodus like a couple of kids in the backseat on the family road trip to Florida.

Thirst is created in the desert. Desperation. Yet, rather than letting their thirst compel them toward God, they resist and sin - and this comes out in their complaints against the Most High. Most telling is what the last verse above says about the source of complaining - it is a lack of belief and the absence of trust.

The source of complaining is an unbelieving heart. It is short-sighted and it is described above as sin. Completely the opposite of trust.

God is seeking to uncover the true self of who the Israelites were intended to be, and they resisted. Like them, in Christ God is leading us to abandon all that is false about our selves, and we resist. When what we want and desire does not come to fruition, when our expectations are not met, when our idols are not sacrificed to, when our circumstances do not measure up to others', the result is we complain. And we doubt. We stomp our feet and threaten and run away. We challenge God to provide the mirage.

Instead of viewing our circumstances through the lens of Christ, we view Christ through the lens of our circumstances.

The latter lens causes us to say things like "I deserve better", "this isn't fair" and "where is God?". God owes me heaven right here, right now.

With the former lens, our desert is still dry, still painful, still a hard, painful road to navigate. But it is trusting that God has a destination in mind. Laying aside the short term to be perfected for the eternal term.

It is not an easy lens to put on, requiring an awareness of our brokenness and a daily denial of self. But these desert goggles give us an awesome view of the beautiful God we follow who does not leave us nor forsake us in the desert places.

What's Your Desert?

God is most concerned with doing the things in our lives that will cause us to adopt Jesus as our identity as opposed to Him just being an accessory among others in our already crowded lives. That is what makes His use of the desert so brilliant.

Think of the Israelites as God led them through the desert. Instead of having and identity as slaves of the Egyptians, God intended for them to identify as His chosen people. Their desires had to be changed from meat in their pots to inhabiting the land of promise. Trust needed to be developed by having just enough for the day and following a pillar of cloud and fire.

The false self needed to be shed. Sometimes ripped off piece by painful piece. Other times ripped out of our grasping hands in a game of spiritual tug of war with God.

All this happened in the desert.

The desert creates thirst. And because the desert is a barren place, there are two choices on how to quench this thirst. The one led into the desert can search and wander, chasing the oasis. Self effort that will never satisfy. Or that one can become humble and trust the God that led him into the desert into the first place.

God's use of the desert was not rare. Among others Joseph's brothers, Elijah, Jonah, and Paul spent time there being shaped by the Potter.

The desert is also a metaphor for a lack that causes you to confront the false self with the same choices - chase the oasis of self effort or go to God with the thirst. As I confronted to root of my people pleasing behavior and perpetual need for affirmation, God thrust me into a relational desert. Within my life, the affirmation of the people I served was the oasis. Identifying what was at the root and learning to deny my false self and drink from the Living Waters has been to story of the narrow path.

God created the lack because He was not willing to let me settle for the false sense of self.

We are in the hands of the sculptor. He is busy shaving away the corners and rough edges. The process gets more painful to resist as the chips get more focused. If the new creation is the promised land of the follower of Christ, then this life will be a long wandering in various deserts. With the ultimate intent of our transformation.

What desert do you find yourself in? What area of lacking in your life is God trying to use to chip away your false self? Are you searching for the oasis or developing trust?

(I know that posting comments on this blog is a taxing process. One of the hazards of blogspot. If you'd like to respond, feel free to email me at choosetotrust@yahoo.com.)

Up and to the Right

Stock market is down (again!) today in a big way. The usual chorus of voices can be heard on the TV and radio trying to take advantage of this drama by fanning the flames of worry and discontent. Forgotten among the voices saying to wait the bear market out is the reality that the stock market is a gamble. In principle it is nice to think that my investment will be safe because in five years the value of the stock market will be more that it is today. While that is a nice thought, it is no where near reality.

When you actually do invest money, you have to sign a legal pad's worth of documents verifying that you understand that you could lose it all. There is no insurance or safety net. Growth is not certain. Does anyone even read those things? Or are they like the license agreement when my new version of iTunes updates or the internet access redirect that I just ignored when I logged on at Panera five minutes ago? We just click "I agree" without thought of the consequences.

In our lives there is an assumption that everything will be "up and to the right". A growth chart. Every day better than the last. Every job change a promotion. Every year of marriage better than the last. Stock investments grow. Church attendance will climb. There will be an iPhone 5 after the iPhone 4.

Uninterrupted progress. That is our expectation.

Developmental psychologist Erik Erikson writes in his work Insight and Responsibility that "our western world image is a one-way street to never ending progress, and this means that our individual lives come to be one-way streets to success - and sudden oblivion."

Oblivion comes when our expectation of constant progress meets the real world. Like a cold front and warm front colliding to create a thunderstorm, crisis results when our expectations are not met. How many potential retirees were left unprepared for the economic downturn? How many parents are prepared for their children to not turn out 'right'? How many spouses are frustrated that their best effort at being good still leave them with a lifeless, unfulfilled marriage?

Just like we do in other areas of our lives, we assume a path of continual progress spiritually as well. Oblivion results when we are confronted over and over by the reality of a broken world. Darkness is a reality of the world we find ourselves in. The desert is the opposite of Eden.

Yet, the reality is that God draws us to desert places. He uses dark nights of the soul as part of his formation process. In the desert, nothing grows or exists without the sustenance of God. Just as the Israelites who spent 40 years wandering and eating manna. The dark requires light to see. Light that we long for, again the wandering Israelites bear witness - they were let by a pillar of fire.

We don't like the desert or the darkness, for in them we are confronted with our dependence. Spiritual success becomes our identity. It is uncomfortable to realize that we are not in charge of our sanctification. Self effort is so much easier to because we only have to go as far as we want. It can be faked. Tares look a lot like wheat. Ultimately, self effort does not need Jesus.

Some wear the mask of spiritual success because they are afraid of the alternative. Allowing ourselves to be fully known, fully dependent on the provision of God. If we resist the dark night or the desert, thinking that something must be wrong because we are not experiencing success - the best life now - life on the up and to the right growth curve, then we are in danger of missing out on the blessing of knowing Jesus more fully.

What a Mess

I love college football. Up until recently, I've really loved everything about it. Game day atmosphere, ranking controversies, love of university are all part of the game. There are even so many stories of redemption. Sports, and for me college sports, give so much to feel good about.

Granted, it does not hurt my enjoyment that I spent six years attending (thus my loyalties belong to) the greatest university in the land - The University of Florida - which is a winning machine. (Sorry for the shameless plug, can we still be friends?)

While there is so much to love, lately more and more negative and tragic elements have crept into the college football world. Recruiting scandals, more and more player arrests and of course, the recent, unfolding events at Penn State. Certainly we are all aware of the basic facts of what is going on in Happy Valley, and my efforts here will not be to recount them or comment on them.

What has occurred to me, as I've listened to sports talk radio which I'm apt to do regularly, is how our identity affects interpretation of events.

For many, sports dominates identity. If identity is our sense of self, of what gives us value or significance, then it makes sense that our team can contribute to that. Our team being tied to our identity goes beyond celebrating a win or questioning a call, but having our sense of worth tied to the success or failure of the team. Thinking I'm overstating sports' impact on people, check out the typical message board online or the comments at the end of an article on espn.com. Part of the false self is its ability (or need) to tie our worth to something, there has to be a way to see where we are on the leader board of life.

Back to what has struck me from the Penn State situation. From the reaction of different fans, our sense of self also gives us a sense of right and wrong. Things that bolster our identity are right and things that conflict (or take value away) are wrong. Just look to the reaction of Penn State students after their coach's firing. Something that affects the value of the team, and hence their own perceived value, is a wrong decision.

Fans of Penn State call in programs, confused by the consensus of people outside of the situation, and wonder why people are coming down hard on Joe Paterno since he did what was required of him. Rightness is determine by what fits with identity.

While this is an extreme situation, this affect is not limited to Penn State (or even college football, my example here). My own university has struggled with student athlete arrests. When it is one of ours, the Gator message board is very sympathetic and rationalizing. But let one of those Florida State Seminoles get arrested for the same thing and those same people want the hammer of the law brought down.

Identity creates our lens for right and wrong.

Jesus said that "if you love me, you will obey what I command". Or, said another way, if you are in Christ, you will do what is right. This is sometimes hard to read because it seems very performance oriented and a possible path to guilt and condemnation. Thus, we reverse the conditional as do what is right so that it will be clear that we love Jesus. The foundation of self-righteousness.

While I am not advocating disobedience, knowing that we are broken and fallen, there is another aspect to Jesus' words. If we love Him, if our identity is rooted in Christ, then we will do the right thing because it bolsters our identity. If Jesus is the foundation of our sense of worth, then the wrong thing will feel wrong because it detracts from our sense of self.

Like the sports fan who determines right and wrong on the basis of what is best for his team, so will we. Our identity in Christ will motivate us to act in love towards others, because that it right, and when we are wrong, it will motivate us to repent.

It's all about identity.

A Lesson on Performance

It is so easy to substitute an idol for Jesus. Our false self demands it. Denying that false self daily, staying on the narrow path is an arduous and intentional process. Made even more so by our ability to take good things and make them our idols. We have to be wary of the space that we are allowing everything except Jesus to have in our lives.

Nowhere is this more subtle than in the area of ministry - doing things for Jesus, as his representative. It is only degrees of separation to go from having an identity in Christ to having an identity in doing things for Christ. The former is secure and stable, rooted in the truth of the Gospel - that we are chosen, loved and saved by God himself. In the latter our perceived worth to God becomes highly dependent on our own performance.

As I lived this, it was so easy to justify my logic: since God made me a pastor and gave me these opportunities for service, success in ministry equalled rightness with God. It is so easy for the heart to be deceived, even by good things.

With this sense of the tug of the false self, we're going to look in on Jesus in Luke 10 as He is sending out 72 disciples in pairs to every town that He was about to visit. I picture the scene in The Empire Strikes Back where the imperial destroyer is sending probes in every direction looking for the rebel base. Jesus was sending these pairs out for reconnaissance - to prepare the way for His coming. After some instruction, 36 pairs of disciples, who were probably at the same time nervous and excited, set off on their work of service, prepared in advance for them to do.

In verse 17, when they return here is how the scene is described: "The seventy-two returned with joy and said, "Lord, even the demons submit to us in your name."

They had achieved ministry success! Brimming with confidence, barely able to contain their excitement, they return to joyfully tell Jesus about the success they had achieved. They had moved into enemy territory, made an offensive, and seen the product of their faith. A response from the spiritual world. Demons submitting.

We are left to imagine each scene. People rejoicing at the healing, wonder in these towns at the power of these pairs of followers of Jesus, probably celebration, promises, and pats on the back. And as the disciples report back to Jesus, breathless with their excitement and enthusiasm, ready to tackle the entire Roman empire you can probably imagine what response they were hoping for from their Leader.

"Well done! You are finally getting it. The demons fleeing represents real progress. Soon we'll have more followers than we can handle. This is a turning point in establishing the kingdom." Or some such words or praise and confidence. But Jesus' response is starkly different, talking about lightening, snakes and scorpions, and containing these words as part of His response:

However, do not rejoice that the spirits submit to you, but rejoice that your names are written in heaven.

In effect, what Jesus is teaching them is to not find joy in the results. Circumstances will change like the weather. Identity based on success or failure is one that is destined to be tossed about; always questioning and never certain. Yes the spirits submitted, but don't let that be the source of your joy or your praise to God. Success is fleeting, results can be deceptive. Maybe He is preparing some for the time when the cause of Christ may be all but abandoned by most of those who are presently celebrating it.

Instead, rejoice in the one thing that will not change. Their names are written in heaven. God's love is secure and not capricious. Whether encountering success or trial, the ink of heaven will not fade.

God is not in love with us because of our performance on His behalf. Christ is not betrothed to His bride because He lacks or needs, thus causing us to worry about what happens in the event that we outlive our usefulness to Him. Rather, God loves us for our benefit and we are to rejoice in our future restoration.

The Happiness Project

Picked up a book at the library with an interesting title - The Happiness Project. I'm a few chapters into it, and while the premise is interesting, there are some profound conclusions to be drawn from the reciting of Gretchen Rubin's tale of seeking happiness.

Here is the premise: Mrs. Rubin has a good life and knows it, yet she curiously finds that she feels like she could be happier. After much research of the history of happiness, she endeavors to spend a year becoming happier. For each month of the year, she maps out an area of her life that she is going to focus on. Month one is becoming happier by boosting energy. Month two, in addition to continuing the habits of boosting energy, she adds to that remembering love. Month three continues with aim higher. Etc.

It is in month two that a definition of happiness comes to her, and it looks like this: "To be happy, I need to think about feeling good, feeling bad, and feeling right, in an atmosphere of growth." In other words, she set standards for good, bad, and right and focused on "generating positive emotions" (her words) in order to grow.

While interesting and not without the discovery of some useful principles. This process is doomed to fail. Maybe not in the pages of the book, but eventually, and here is why.

Idols will always let you down and your idols cannot forgive you.

You cannot just generate something from nothing. It is one of the laws of thermodynamics. For instance, an emergency generator produces electricity from gasoline. No gas, no electricity. It is this basic premise that Gretchen misses in her project. She is constantly doing. To find happiness, she has to be putting something in. Just to boost energy alone, she focuses on sleeping more, exercising better, organizing, nagging less, and acting more energetic. That's just month one!

It is all about doing and setting a standard of performance.

As she relates herself, when she failed to live up to her standard of nagging less, she felt like a failure. Her idol could not forgive her, since it was an arbitrary line in the sand. She set the standard for feeling bad and achieved it. Even more, she struggled when her husband did not acknowledge her improvement in the nagging department. Her sense of happiness was reflected to her in his approval. Her idol let her down.

On another front, she did get very happy when she cleaned her closets and drawers and emptied shelves. Yet, related that she did not get such a profound sense of happiness from the daily maintenance of staying organized. Another way idols let us down is by the law of diminishing returns. As any drug user will tell you, it takes more drug to feel the same high. Idols make us work harder and harder for less and less benefit.

During the love month she treated her husband to the "week of extreme nice" in which she practiced love without expecting anything in return. Along with a certain level of happiness, she also relates resentment at her sacrifice not being acknowledged. And at the end of the week, she was relieved when the week was over and things could get back to normal. Seems she had some nagging to do.

The things that were making her happy were artificial standards that her effort at willpower could not maintain. Happiness was achievable in spurts, but not sustainable. Letdown.

As I've said in other blogs, I'm not trying to malign Gretchen Rubin. I like her book and I really respect all the effort and thought she put into this year. There are many principles here worth noting. But also worth noting is that since happiness needs to come from somewhere, she was going to experience failure at one point or another. What happens when she sprains her ankle and cannot exercise? Or forgets to act energetic? Or needs to stay up late with a sick child? Or does not get the response she needs from others when she loves them well? Her idol is going to fail her.

Came across this quote today by a gentleman named Henry Scougal in his work Life of God in the Soul of Man:

Worth or excellency of a soul is to be measured by the object of its love.

Here is how I think this applies. Ultimately, I see the pursuit of happiness as the pursuit of personal redemption. We know within our soul that things are not right, so outside of Christ we attempt to do things like organize our lives, achieve physical fitness, and give and receive love. It is a redemption story. Happiness if found in redemption.

As evidenced in Gretchen Rubin's book, our idols, the objects of our love, are going to leave our souls longing for more. They cannot be fulfilled for long by powerless idols. There will always be something above our standard of good.

But it is not like that in Christ. Christ needs nothing from us, for everything is his. His love is pure gift. We are chosen, not because of what we can produce, but simply because we are His creation, His image bearers. Being in Christ is not deserved, it is grace. When we love God in Christ, because we are made righteous not earning it, our soul can rest and be...happy.

Then it does not matter if my shelf is cluttered or I have love handles or if my spouse does not appreciate the things I do. There is not condemnation in Christ Jesus.

That is a happiness project.

Keeping Up with Kim Kardashian

As I sit here typing, I am in a state of utter shock and disbelief. Controlling my emotions is difficult at times like this. Questions race through my mind: how could this be? what went wrong? It just didn't' seem like it would turn out like this.

Kim Kardashian filed for divorce.

Oh no. Now, after we peel away the sarcasm of the paragraph above, we're left to wonder what this new event is all about. I mean, how can a marriage, even one build on a superficial foundation, go wrong in all of 72 days?

Kim Kardashian has made her living by imaging herself. She IS a brand, and for some reason, our culture buys into her. People tune into her reality show; people buy the multitude of products she endorses; paparazzi follow her around and paste her picture on every supermarket tabloid. It is a highly crafted, maintained and polished exterior.

My guess, and this is pure speculation on my part for I do not watch her show or know much about her other than I see her face in a lot of places, is that this is part of her brand. A multi-million dollar princess wedding 72 days ago (with the TV and picture rights sold so she actually MADE money on the deal) to someone with a profile just high enough to make the wedding significant, but not high enough that anyone would care about what he has to say. She seems to be about the look, getting people to notice and tune in. Unadulterated identity in being seen. A narcissism made possible in our media crazed culture. Attention (and possible sympathy) brings viewers.

None of this is intended to impugn Kim. She is not a follower of Christ, and is doing exactly what one would expect. Seeking significance in something. Popularity is the source of her identity and her actions are perfectly consistent.

But, what this reminds me of is us. People in the church. Sometimes we are more concerned about the brand than about Christ. Looking like a follower rather than being a follower. Since we don't want to make a mistake and mess things up for Jesus, we clean up our lives ourselves. Thus, we ignore the Spirit, boil away grace and redemption and mystery and make discipleship all about our actions. Morality. Looking the part. Doing the right thing for everyone to see.

Carefully creating an image of what we think God's holiness looks like. Trying to live prosperous lives, not as Christ would define it, but as the culture would. We tell people everything is great and hid from view our tired marriage, parenting trials, addictions, and all other struggles that life in a fallen world throws our way. We've clothed ourselves in a holy exterior and hidden our brokenness. Image is everything. Spiritual narcissism.

Living out of our false identity in this way is exhausting. It's more about our effort than Christ's. It is a facade that must be maintained. Ultimately it causes the unchurched to tune us out because it is an inflated standard that they feel inadequate to keep.

We intimidate those outside with our carefully crafted, highly maintained, got-it-together looking exteriors.

It's all about appearances. Just like keeping up with the Kardashians.

Worth Another Look, Vol. 1

I tend to be skeptical of most marriage books. You can probably safely add to that books on parenting as well. Rather than leading the reader to evaluate what is broken with the self in order to enable a releasing of burdens on one's spouse, instead much of what is written is guised manipulation. Not getting what you want? Is your spouse not meeting your needs? Follow these simple steps to make your partner happy and they will, in return, give you what you want.

In reality, how long will that advice last? Probably until you consistently do not get the response you desire. Make no mistake, since we all tend to fall into focusing on ourselves that will happen probably sooner than later.

While I am a skeptic of the marriage book genre, out of interest in the subject I still have a number of these books in my reading queue. It is within the last one I read and put on the bookshelf that I found this nugget. In the midst of discussing 1 Peter 3:7,

Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

the author espoused the view that if a husband's prayers were not being answered, then it was likely because he was not loving his wife properly. Just to say this another way, the man who was interpreting this passage was saying that consequence for a husband not loving his wife in the proper way was that God would stop answering that man's prayers.

That assessment strikes me as driven by performance. Rightness before God being determined in this interpretation by the husband's works. Beyond that, it implies God can be manipulated - by doing the right things you can get God to answer prayer. The grace and mercy of God seem to be absent until the man gets his act together.

Yet, grace is not earned or deserved, meriting another look at what my be implied by the hindrance of prayers. It is interesting that the author focused on a hindrance in the answer to the prayer rather than the delivery. Maybe Peter is reminding husbands that if they are not considerate, if they do not respect their spouses relative weakness, then that is going to lead to a house filled with strife. Strife that will be the direct result of the man's actions. It is hard to pray during relational conflict. Anger can harden our hearts, hence the warning not to sin in it. So instead of the two being one, each feels isolated and alone, and quite probably isolated from God as well.

That may be the hindrance to prayer that Peter is envisioning. Strife creating chaos and lack of desire to seek out and connect with God. Or maybe if we are inclined to turn our face to God, it is with the intent of manipulation ("God please change my wife!") instead of repentance and gratitude.

The hindrance being in our desire to offer the prayer rather than in God's ability to answer it.

Foot Loose

I have to come clean, my wife and daughter have sucked me into another season of Dancing with the Stars. It is only my second season, but I was adamant at the beginning that I did not need another TV show to watch. My daughter loves the dancing and Bruno's emphatic evaluations, so I find myself drawn in, sharing in her joy.

As I watch, along with millions of others, my wonderings turn to why this show about ballroom dancing is so immensely popular. Along that line, why is ballroom dancing rising in popularity? And I watch and I wonder.

Then this week a possibility occurred to me. It's men and women.

More specifically, it is men being encouraged to be the man and women encouraged to be the women and the beauty that results when those roles are embraced.

In a culture that had encouraged men to check their 'man card' at the door and be more passive and docile, less forceful and more Easter bunny, happy to play video games and have their moms make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches (with crusts cut off) - within the context of this kind of culture we are drawn into this world of dance where the man must exude strength. Strength both physical and in leadership.

The man guides the dance, leading the steps and guiding the frames of both partners. He must maintain a firm grasp on his woman. He must lift and support and swing and twirl the woman as they, as one form, a single unit, navigate the expanse of the dance floor.

Yet, it is not a partnership where the man is holding the woman down. His strength has the purpose of showing off the woman. Giving her the platform for her beauty and grace to shine through. In the good dance couples, the man draws our attention to the woman; she is his treasure to be showcased.

In this dance of equals, the woman allows herself to be led. Knowing that in the hands of a capable man, her beauty will be allowed to shine forth. She must trust his grasp, firm enough so she won't fall, yet not so much that it inhibits her movement. Her movement prove her trust in the strength of her man.

In all the dance, the man holds the woman's best interest first and foremost, not because he is the partner that does not matter, but because that is what he was designed for - what his role is. For the woman, she places her complete trust in the man, now because she is the partner of lesser worth, but knowing that is what will allow her to flourish and be showcased.

The dance is beautiful when both partners embrace their roles and don't resent or fight against their part. This is our ideal of what a relationship looks like. What our souls are restless for, but which is so hard to obtain in our cultural system. So we tune in to get a glimpse on the dance floor of what could be in our own lives.