Who I Am In Christ

As I have been describing, my failure did not pop up out of nowhere. It was the result of a confluence of events that led to a crisis of belief and a desire to meet my needs my own way. One of the things that got lost was my proper view of God. Well, let me say that again, living out of a proper view of God. There is a difference.

I knew who God was. Enough so that I could effectively counsel, encourage, confront and lead. In my head I knew, but my heart was not feeling it. I'd lost my ability to walk my talk. This didn't happen overnight, it was a gradual erosion as well as a reaction to not having the tools to take apart my wall. Spiritually I went to a state of comfort - a spirituality based on doing stuff. As long as I looked the part everything would be fine.

Immediately after my confession and resigning my position, the church I worked for offered to send me to a retreat in Colorado to begin the healing process. It would seem that, since I did not come back 'fixed', the trip was a waste. But it wasn't. It lay the foundation for me to be able to finally look at myself.

Unfortunately, because of my resentment, loneliness, and anger, I still had further to fall, but what I learned in Colorado would be my net. As the reality of my life got more and more chaotic, the truths that I learned were constantly in my thoughts and created the basis for God to be able to work His miracle.

One of the refreshing things about the counselor was that, for the first time, I felt like I was able to just be honest without fear of condemnation or consequence. A couple thousand miles away from home and disconnected from my church's leadership, what did I have to lose?

For one of my afternoon assignments, I was to construct an Identity Statement In Christ. I needed to get back to basics. My pride was disarmed by the good doctor describing his crisis and the identity statement he constructed. If it was good enough for him, then again, what did I have to lose?

So I was given a list of almost a hundred truths in the Bible to look up and meditate on. From those, as well as any others that came to mind, I was supposed to select the ones that God was using to speak directly to me. After my counselor and I talked through all these, I was instructed to write a letter to Jesus. And read it. And read it again. And again.

It was a great process. For me I was able to look up the verses while hiking 8 miles up an 8000 foot elevation. Forget the name of the mountain, but won't forget the views or how God spoke. I recommend this assignment for everyone. It will take a couple days and maybe someone to process with, but it is worth the effort. (I'll try to figure out how to link a pdf to my blog. Until then, if you want to list of a hundred truths to give you a start, just email me.)

So I submit to you, my finished letter to Christ...

Jesus,

I rejoice that you have made me your child (John 1:12) causing you to care about every aspect of my life regardless of my performance (Matthew 7:9 – 11). As your child, I am assured that you will never leave nor forsake me (Hebrews 13:5).

Even more God, we are friends (John 15:15). And as my friend I do not have to fear condemnation (Romans 8:1 – 2, 35), rejection for who I am, or that I will ever be alone (Ephesians 2:18). In fact, you have promised to even work in my weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9).

While you are calling me to holiness and obedience (1 Corinthians 6:19 – 20; 1 Samuel 15:22), you do not expect perfection (1 John 1:8 – 10). I am a work in progress (Ephesians 2:10; Philippians 1:6), your “Poema” or work of art that you are still chipping away at.

Thank you for this confidence that I can have in you, God, for you do not lie (Numbers 23:19, 20). It allows me to be real and bold in Christ (2 Timothy 1:7) as I seek to trust your plan for me (Jeremiah 29:11). You have made me to love you and love people (Matthew 22:37 – 39) and I long to give myself away (Philippians 3:8) as I do your will (John 6:38) – you are everything to me.

I cannot get distracted by any rejection from the world (John 16:33) for I am your pleasure (Ephesians 1:5; Zephaniah 3:17) and I exist to please you and not men (Galatians 1:10) with my authenticity. I must guard my heard (Proverbs 4:23) against falling into the trap of pleasing you with my performance, but rather must have a reckless trust in your goodness and faithfulness (Psalm 100:5).

Thank you Jesus for the confidence that comes from knowing you love me no matter what (Hebrews 4:16).