Unwrapped

So now it is over for another year. The gatherings that we look forward to are long over. Presents that we longingly anticipate have been unwrapped with the pretty paper laying strewn all over the floor. When that last gift is opened and Christmas is behind for another year the question lingers - Is that all?

It becomes time to deal with the disappointment and sense of being let down. No more parties; no more decorations; no more pretty packages promising to cover our yearning. Is that all blends so easily into I thought I'd be happier.

Yet, our lives are like the holiday season; adorned with extras that somehow promise more to our sense of self than they were ever intended to deliver; while we pine for them we feel inadequate yet hopeful and when they are attained we feel let down and hollow.

If I just had a relationship, then...

If I could just lose 20 pounds, then...

If I just had a different job, then...

If I could just stop being depressed, then...

Or if I made more money, then...

If I just had a boat, then...

Or a child, or more sex, or friends, and the list can go on and on and on and on. There is an infinite list of things we can turn to dress ourselves up, make ourselves feel more worthy and acceptable.

Trying to create a sense of self, we lose ourselves.

In our culture the timing of Christmas and New Year's is unfortunate. At a time when we are forced to confront our disappointment in what we are relying on to create a sense of worth, we quickly approach the day when things 'start over' and we resolve to make the changes necessary to be happy this next time around.

Not that we shouldn't consider our behaviors and evaluate them. But, we should not use this evaluation as a barometer of our value as a person. A sort of acceptability litmus test.

Rather than using New Year's as a time to resolve new behaviors - new ways to wrap ourselves up to look more presentable in order to be accepted and chosen - why not let the holiday blues drive you to consider why you do not feel significant?

Only then can you begin the process (yes, there are no easy fix-its) of filling in that space, not with 'better' behaviors or 'acceptable' strategies or 'significant' goals, but with the truths that Jesus, the image of the invisible God, spoke to us and lived before us. Deny the false self.

Systems, powers, and people can devastate the soul. Indeed, there are pains that we are going to have to bear in this fallen, broken world. Take up your cross.

Jesus is not a magic pill making everything better. He is Savior. Comforter. Counselor. Overcomer. He plows the path, walking our steps with us, relieving our burden. Follow Him.

Keeping Christ in Christmas

This must be the season of confession. Last week, I was upfront about my man-crush on Tim Tebow. Today I have to confess to you that I have a little pet peeve regarding the "Keep Christ in Christmas" bumper stickers, church signs, and car magnets that seem to pop up this time of year.

Of course, they are a reaction to our culture's growing tendency to refer to this as the holiday season. Boldly I say, count me as one follower of Christ who fully supports this trend culturally.

First, it IS the season of holidays. There's Thanksgiving. And Hanukkah. Ramadan. Kwanzaa. Probably others of which I'm not aware. It seems the height of Christian arrogance to make everyone use our name for a certain time of the year. It dismisses others’ points of view. Whether or not we agree with their belief system, it does not put us in their good graces to have an open discussion about Christ. It creates defensiveness; and us-against-them which closes people off.

More importantly (in my estimation), do we really want the name Christmas associated with the consumerism and commercialism that runs rampant in our culture and amps up at this time of the year? Short answer: No. No, I don’t.

So if Wal-mart wants to call it a “Holiday Sale”, Best Buy wants to have a giant “Happy Holidays” sign on the front of the store, or the mall wants to promote “Winter Savings”, they can do it with my blessing. I am totally on board with that. In fact, I view it as a favor. One less battle I have to fight with those who argue Christmas is nothing more than gifts, parties, and shopping.

Rather than point catchy slogans at and creating guilt in people who do not follow Jesus, here is an idea for all of us about how to "keep Christ in Christmas": love one another.

Jesus himself said that all men would know that we are his disciples if we love one another. Our missional love creates attractional followers.

Start now. Use this Christmas as a marking point to begin to intentionally seek out ways to demonstrate love. Then carry those demonstrations of love the whole year through.

It may start with developing love for yourself. It is impossible to love others if you first don't love yourself. (Why? The Cliff's Notes answer is that if you do not love yourself out of an identity in Christ, any demonstration of love will be a selfish demand for validation and worth. We can talk more about that later.) Look no further than Christmas for a reason to start to love yourself.

God became flesh because you are worth loving. He created you. He chose you in Christ. THAT'S the reason for the season, and that's a big deal.

Once you start that lifelong process, be generous. Bless others, especially your enemies. Give to those who have need. Spend time with those who have no one. Get to know your neighbors. Actually listen when people talk to you. Slow your life down enough to notice all the needs around you. They are there; we all just maintain such a breakneck pace that we don't realize needs are right next to us.

That's how we can keep Christ in Christmas.

O Christmas Tree

For another year, the task is done. The tree has been dragged out of the garage and meticulously assembled in the living room. I've crawled around in the attic to find the bins labeled "Christmas ornaments" and pulled them down - at great risk to life and limb. (Actually, with my weight loss, for the first year ever I am under the suggested weight of the attic stairs that I installed eight years ago; less risk than ever!)

Decorating the tree is probably the one holiday task that the three of us (the wife, the daughter, and I) all do in unison. This year we made the $0.59 investment in new hooks, turned up some Christmas tunes on the surround sound, and we hung ornaments with various levels of familial significance on the tree limbs.

As I was hanging the "baby's first Christmas" ornament on the tree, it occurred to me that decorating the tree was a picture of our lives. We've got lots of ornaments, or accessories, with which we dress up our lives. The more the better to give our lives more meaning and value. When we're with others, we can use the accessories to compare and covet. Christ is not immune to being relegated to one of the branches of our lives.

Because making Jesus our identity is difficult, requires reflection, and often causes us to suffer,we then settle for making Him an accessory in our lives.

When Jesus plays the role of accessory, He is there to make us look good. Christ becomes a mask that we wear in certain situations, usually when it is convenient and necessary. But when we accessorize, if we are honest, if our Jesus ornament was taken away, life would be pretty much the same. We were 'good' people before, and we'd be 'good' after. Jesus makes no noticeable difference to our day to day decisions or behaviors.

So we end up running to other things in order to build up our identity. More accessories.

Accessories fit into the space that we have for them like that low branch on the tree that needs something so as to not look so plain. Problem is, accessories get lost in the crowd. My daughter found a large bead on the floor that fell off one of our much loved ornaments. As dad, it is my job to find and fix the ornament, but I cannot find it. It is lost on the tree among all the other decorations. So the piece sits on the counter until after Christmas when we de-decorate the tree. It is one ornament among many, getting lost in the crowd, ironically losing its significance because of all the other precious decorations that are its neighbors.

Like Jesus. Lost among the gym, work, book club, recycling, marriage, and all the other accessories that we turn to in order to feel significant and valued. One among many. Something we pull out in appropriate situations, then put back on the tree.

Judas had Jesus as an accessory. Wanting to overthrow the rule of Rome, Judas sought Jesus on his own terms. Fitting Jesus neatly into his already established beliefs about the messiah. And in order to speed things along, Judas sold his accessory for 30 pieces of silver.

Accessories are easy to give up or become the object of our blame when they are not serving our purposes. We control the accessory.

If Jesus is just to be an accessory in our lives, we are bound to be disappointed. We'll blame him and question him, but the problem is that we won't have given our lives fully to him. Rather than him being an ornament on us, we are to be IN him. In Christ. We are to disappear in the covering of Christ. A new identity; a new creation that changes everything. Changed by His work, not by dressing ourselves up with ornamentation.

Problem is, identity change is a daily battle. It is much easier to don the ornament and move on to the next thing. So we end up with crowded lives that look like each year's Christmas tree.

For Our Own Good

A friend of mine and his wife are currently trudging through the desert, though they might not be aware of that name for what they are going through. They are childless and trying to adopt and the process seems to be throwing them dead ends at every turn. Most recently, after getting into the final two of one young mother's selection process, they were forsaken for someone who seems to be less a match for the mother's wishes.

Unfortunately, this process has opened them to a lot of rejection. Which in turn brings up a lot of questions and doubts. Why not us? Should we even want this? Aren't we attractive as parents? On and on the assault against the self goes.

Two paths emerge from this desert journey, a fork in the road that has been introduced before, either running toward the mirage of or letting the lack that the desert represents create a holy desperation for the One who quenches thirst.

Often we confront people in the desert with the counsel that "in all things God works for the good of those who love him." But my observation is that usually that provides more comfort to the giver of the counsel than the receiver.

Underlying that counsel is the logic that if we just love God well, He'll give us good things - defined to be the things we want. Thus, in the case of my married friends, if they just try harder to love God, they will be rewarded with a baby. A lack is perceived as a defect in our ability to love God properly.

But, is that the good to which the above verse quoted from Romans if referring? My hunch is no. There is one good that God is driving us to, and that is the person of Jesus.

God is so much less concerned with our enjoyment of this life than He is about creating desperation in us for Jesus.

It's not even close.

God's ultimate good, the only blessing that matters, is that we would be secure and complete in the embrace of Jesus. Through listening to the heartfelt sorrow of my friend, it has occurred to me that this is what the season of advent is for.

We spend four weeks waiting. Preparing. Anticipating the arrival of the One. Wonderful Counselor. Almighty God. Everlasting Father. Prince of peace. We fast. We pray. We search the scriptures. All in the effort to make room and be ready for the arrival of the Gift God prepared for us in the beginning.

Advent is intended to create desperation. Then the celebration can start.

Yet, it does not end there. Advent is our yearly reminder that, just as Jesus came into the world once, He has promised to return. Just as we spent four weeks intentionally preparing for the babe, our lives are intended to be spent preparing for His return.

Ultimately, that is why God uses the desert. It is for our own good.

What Are We Doing to Tebow?

I will confess right now to having a man-crush on Tim Tebow. Nothing too surprising there, since two-thirds of men in America right now would probably (if they are honest) claim the same thing. (Click here for an example of the hoopla.) There are multiple reasons for my admiration of him.

I love that he is a Florida Gator. He went to 'my' school and he represents the Gator Nation so well. At a time in UF's football history when there were a few too many run ins between football players and police officers, you never had to worry about Tim providing an embarrassing blemish to the university's image. You still don't. It only helps the man crush that right now, along with a plaque commemorating his 'promise' speech, there is a statue of Tebow outside the stadium alongside the Gators' other Heisman trophy winners Steve Spurrier and Danny Wuerffel.

I love his leadership. In college the most famous instance of this is his "Promise" speech. After a lethargic loss to a much overmanned opponent, Tebow promised that he would personally work harder than any other player and the team would play harder than any other. Proved true, they won the national championship that year.

Even on his pro team, this may be his greatest attribute. Much maligned for his 'lack' of football skill, Tebow has at times indeed performed poorly. Yet, he has led and inspired a team to perform beyond what they did before he was the starter. There would be no Tebow-time if the defense didn't keep the game close. Tim got the defense to buy into his leadership; quite the undertaking considering how loudly many 'experts' were chiding the decision to start him.

I love his beliefs. Tim Tebow follows Jesus. He seems to have his identity in Christ securely in place. Many, many people do not understand why he thanks God, calls Jesus his savior, has stayed a virgin, focuses his attention on the Philippines, and then says that football is not a big deal. And that tune has not changed since college. If he was seeking his sense of self from all the media, pressure, fame, money, etc., it would be easy for that to seep into and shape his behaviors. It seems not to with Tim and that gives testimony to the security of his identity.

So now that I've confessed and explained my man-crush, my question is what are we doing to Tim Tebow?

After this weekend's victory over the Bears, I checked out the #Tebow feed on twitter, and the overwhelming response from those whose profile describes them as believers in Christ is that winning is what happens when you love God well. Stated another way, the reasoning goes like this: Tim loves Jesus, Tim tells people he loves Jesus, Tim does good things for Jesus, so God wants Tim to win football games.

That is flat out ridiculous.

Not only that, it is damaging to the Gospel message that Tim and a whole host of others are living for. Among the damaging questions...

If you say God wants Tim to win, then what about when he loses a game? (It will happen, it's part of playing.)

Does that mean Tim is no longer in God's favor?

If Tim had lived better for Jesus, he would have won?

What about members of the Bears who love Jesus?

Does God play favorites?

Each of these questions can and will be personalized. If I am not experiencing success, does that mean God does not love me? Or that I've done something wrong? Or has He left me? Is God fickle?

I know what some Christians are trying to do, use Tebow as an evangelism tool. "Look at his success, that's what following Jesus is like!" Yet, that is not everyone's (or even most's) experience. There are Christians who live in abject poverty, many live under constant threat, some live in the battle of addiction, others live an unheralded life. Attaching relationships like Tebow's success proves God's love sends a message about God that is false.

What happens when someone's experience of God is different than the success they were promised? Now we have created a stumbling block to people seeing who God really is. Let's not do that to Tim Tebow.

The Dilemma

My wife and I are facing a Christmas dilemma involving our ten year old daughter. Both sets of grandparents are putting the screws to us about this and we have no answers. We check in with said daughter and she is nothing but a mystery shrouded in an enigma. All we want is the answer to one question so that we can get everyone off our backs...

What do you want for Christmas?

Here's the thing, when we do ask this question, my daughter does have an answer, it is just not what anyone wants to hear. The list is basically a statistically representative sampling of the items stocked in the toy aisle of the local Dollar Tree. We've got fart putty (which I'll admit liking myself), little plastic pigs, feather boa and other various treasures that all cost nothing more than 100 cents.

And while I am happy that my daughter knows what she wants, it is more than a little humorous on the level of gift that she will settle for. You see, the grandmothers (probably not unlike most grandparents) will buy anything for her. Case in point, a couple years ago the daughter saw a pair of earrings at Wal-Mart (we only shop at the best places) and described them to my mom. As a gift that year, the daughter received three pairs of gem stone earrings, one diamond, one ruby, one emerald all with certificates of authenticity from a well known local jewelry shop.

As an aside, I had been pretty proud of the 100% silver hoop earrings that I had bought for my beautiful wife, but they did not come with a certificate of authenticity. Yet, my wife's first question for my daughter was, "can we swap sometime?" I relate this with absolutely no bitterness since I was considering getting my ears pierced so that I could borrow a pair.

Anyway, the riches of the world await this daughter of mine, yet when asked to choose, she opts for fart putty (again, not so bad) that costs 20 nickels.

While I was belaboring telling the frustrated grandparents of their granddaughter's answer to the desire-of-her-heart question, it occurred to me that this is the exact picture of what we do with God.

God, too, promises us the desires of our heart and we so often get caught up making requests for a happy marriage, the kids to behave or more money in the bank. Not that we aren't supposed to desire these things or that the need to eat isn't pressing, but asking for these things is like asking for dollar store earrings when you could get diamond studs.

The riches of heaven await - in the form of Jesus. It is Jesus that is to be the desire of our hearts. He is the blessing. God stands at the ready to pour out an ever increasing amount of his Spirit out on us. When we make selling the house the preeminent desire of our heart, we treat God as if His gift of Jesus is in some way inadequate. Ultimately that is God's objective, that we would desperately seek Jesus.

(Addendum: I wanted to end this blog with the previous paragraph, but feel like I should make one clarifying statement: in no way am I claiming that we should not present our requests to God or that He is aloof to any of the needs of our life. Scripture is clear on both of those issues. Often we try to pray away the very thing(s) that God is trying to use to draw us closer to the Savior. So, what I am driving at is, "Is Jesus enough?" If your marriage never gets any better, if your financial situation never improves, but you do have an identity in Christ - would that be OK? The question that hangs on my wall when I get to work everyday says it like this "Are you living for heaven? Or do you live demanding life be like heaven?" My false self fights for the latter, while my new creation longs for the former.)

"A Vacation From Ourselves"

The other night I happened to be up late and decided to wind down with an episode of my favorite show - Seinfeld. Maybe you've seen it, the self proclaimed show about nothing, but at the same time it's a show about everything. All the annoyances, worries, relationship issues, and minutia that would not be the substance for any other show were tackled by this group of four friends that spent so much of their time sitting and talking in a coffee shop.

On this particular evening, as I got comfy and drowsy on the couch I was met with this familiar scene (I've seen them all several times, Seinfeld is my comfort food):

The usually clean shaven Jerry and George sitting on opposite sides of their usual booth at the coffee shop, both sporting thriving mustaches and having another meaningless conversation about what Holland is. When Jerry is suddenly overcome declares that he can't stand the mustache any longer. George concurs that he hates his too, feeling "like an out of work porn star". It seems when the idea of taking a summer vacation had come up, the extremely frugal and commonly unemployed George suggested a "vacation from themselves" by growing facial hair. It would be better than a real vacation he had proposed.

So, in order to experience the freedom, rest and peace that a vacation would bring, the two fellows decide to change something about their external appearance.

They still visited the same coffee house.

With the same people.

Ordered the same thing.

Read the same paper.

Had the same conversations about nothing.

And experienced a profound disappointment with the results.

Not only were they let down by the results of the change, but they were uncomfortable with the new selves that they had created.

It is far easier and all too common to look at following Christ as taking a vacation from ourselves. Rather than adopting a new identity, we put on holy behaviors. (Sounds like a white washed tomb.) Unfortunately, if we force ourselves to simply act in a new way and stop short of developing this new identity - by looking at what was driving our old identity and becoming aware of the extent of our brokenness - we will be disappointed with the results. Just like the itch of a newly grown mustache (ladies, does growing your leg hair out itch as much as does men's facial hair?), the new covering for the old self will be uncomfortable and exhausting. A futile exercise in self effort.

Just as new wine cannot be put into old wineskins (to quote the Master), the Spirit cannot be put into the old self. The Spirit is intended to shed light on and revive our image, the new creation, our true self.

For this to happen, change cannot just be on the surface. It may begin that way, but true, lasting change must germinate within. Having our interior have the light of Christ shed on it. Confronting our brokenness, not to adopt it as a new identity, but to know the destructive fire that shall be put out by the living waters within. The truth of the Gospel that we tell ourselves as our thoughts are taken captive.

This is a process more difficult than words can convey. It requires us to have the word hidden in our hearts. It requires us to be in community with others who do likewise. Although we do not do these things simply to have new behaviors to check off a to do list on a vacation from ourselves, but as the way to confront to old self as we enter into the sanctifying process of denying that self and following Christ as a new creation.

Desert Goggles

Psalm 78 takes a peek at the Israelites as they wandered in the desert. Here is part of what it relates to us...

But they continued to sin against him,
rebelling in the desert against the Most High.
They willfully put God to the test
by demanding the food they craved.
They spoke against God, saying,
“Can God spread a table in the desert?
When he struck the rock, water gushed out,
and streams flowed abundantly.
But can he also give us food?
Can he supply meat for his people?”
When the LORD heard them, he was very angry;
his fire broke out against Jacob,
and his wrath rose against Israel,
for they did not believe in God
or trust in his deliverance.

The Israelites were chasing the mirage, settling for the perceived oasis of lesser longings. While they wanted their stomachs full, God wanted to deliver them to the land of promise. This resulted in a nation that willfully challenged God.

We are hungry. We are thirsty. Yes, you gave us bread, but you didn't give us meat. These stiff necked people complained the entire exodus like a couple of kids in the backseat on the family road trip to Florida.

Thirst is created in the desert. Desperation. Yet, rather than letting their thirst compel them toward God, they resist and sin - and this comes out in their complaints against the Most High. Most telling is what the last verse above says about the source of complaining - it is a lack of belief and the absence of trust.

The source of complaining is an unbelieving heart. It is short-sighted and it is described above as sin. Completely the opposite of trust.

God is seeking to uncover the true self of who the Israelites were intended to be, and they resisted. Like them, in Christ God is leading us to abandon all that is false about our selves, and we resist. When what we want and desire does not come to fruition, when our expectations are not met, when our idols are not sacrificed to, when our circumstances do not measure up to others', the result is we complain. And we doubt. We stomp our feet and threaten and run away. We challenge God to provide the mirage.

Instead of viewing our circumstances through the lens of Christ, we view Christ through the lens of our circumstances.

The latter lens causes us to say things like "I deserve better", "this isn't fair" and "where is God?". God owes me heaven right here, right now.

With the former lens, our desert is still dry, still painful, still a hard, painful road to navigate. But it is trusting that God has a destination in mind. Laying aside the short term to be perfected for the eternal term.

It is not an easy lens to put on, requiring an awareness of our brokenness and a daily denial of self. But these desert goggles give us an awesome view of the beautiful God we follow who does not leave us nor forsake us in the desert places.

What's Your Desert?

God is most concerned with doing the things in our lives that will cause us to adopt Jesus as our identity as opposed to Him just being an accessory among others in our already crowded lives. That is what makes His use of the desert so brilliant.

Think of the Israelites as God led them through the desert. Instead of having and identity as slaves of the Egyptians, God intended for them to identify as His chosen people. Their desires had to be changed from meat in their pots to inhabiting the land of promise. Trust needed to be developed by having just enough for the day and following a pillar of cloud and fire.

The false self needed to be shed. Sometimes ripped off piece by painful piece. Other times ripped out of our grasping hands in a game of spiritual tug of war with God.

All this happened in the desert.

The desert creates thirst. And because the desert is a barren place, there are two choices on how to quench this thirst. The one led into the desert can search and wander, chasing the oasis. Self effort that will never satisfy. Or that one can become humble and trust the God that led him into the desert into the first place.

God's use of the desert was not rare. Among others Joseph's brothers, Elijah, Jonah, and Paul spent time there being shaped by the Potter.

The desert is also a metaphor for a lack that causes you to confront the false self with the same choices - chase the oasis of self effort or go to God with the thirst. As I confronted to root of my people pleasing behavior and perpetual need for affirmation, God thrust me into a relational desert. Within my life, the affirmation of the people I served was the oasis. Identifying what was at the root and learning to deny my false self and drink from the Living Waters has been to story of the narrow path.

God created the lack because He was not willing to let me settle for the false sense of self.

We are in the hands of the sculptor. He is busy shaving away the corners and rough edges. The process gets more painful to resist as the chips get more focused. If the new creation is the promised land of the follower of Christ, then this life will be a long wandering in various deserts. With the ultimate intent of our transformation.

What desert do you find yourself in? What area of lacking in your life is God trying to use to chip away your false self? Are you searching for the oasis or developing trust?

(I know that posting comments on this blog is a taxing process. One of the hazards of blogspot. If you'd like to respond, feel free to email me at choosetotrust@yahoo.com.)

Up and to the Right

Stock market is down (again!) today in a big way. The usual chorus of voices can be heard on the TV and radio trying to take advantage of this drama by fanning the flames of worry and discontent. Forgotten among the voices saying to wait the bear market out is the reality that the stock market is a gamble. In principle it is nice to think that my investment will be safe because in five years the value of the stock market will be more that it is today. While that is a nice thought, it is no where near reality.

When you actually do invest money, you have to sign a legal pad's worth of documents verifying that you understand that you could lose it all. There is no insurance or safety net. Growth is not certain. Does anyone even read those things? Or are they like the license agreement when my new version of iTunes updates or the internet access redirect that I just ignored when I logged on at Panera five minutes ago? We just click "I agree" without thought of the consequences.

In our lives there is an assumption that everything will be "up and to the right". A growth chart. Every day better than the last. Every job change a promotion. Every year of marriage better than the last. Stock investments grow. Church attendance will climb. There will be an iPhone 5 after the iPhone 4.

Uninterrupted progress. That is our expectation.

Developmental psychologist Erik Erikson writes in his work Insight and Responsibility that "our western world image is a one-way street to never ending progress, and this means that our individual lives come to be one-way streets to success - and sudden oblivion."

Oblivion comes when our expectation of constant progress meets the real world. Like a cold front and warm front colliding to create a thunderstorm, crisis results when our expectations are not met. How many potential retirees were left unprepared for the economic downturn? How many parents are prepared for their children to not turn out 'right'? How many spouses are frustrated that their best effort at being good still leave them with a lifeless, unfulfilled marriage?

Just like we do in other areas of our lives, we assume a path of continual progress spiritually as well. Oblivion results when we are confronted over and over by the reality of a broken world. Darkness is a reality of the world we find ourselves in. The desert is the opposite of Eden.

Yet, the reality is that God draws us to desert places. He uses dark nights of the soul as part of his formation process. In the desert, nothing grows or exists without the sustenance of God. Just as the Israelites who spent 40 years wandering and eating manna. The dark requires light to see. Light that we long for, again the wandering Israelites bear witness - they were let by a pillar of fire.

We don't like the desert or the darkness, for in them we are confronted with our dependence. Spiritual success becomes our identity. It is uncomfortable to realize that we are not in charge of our sanctification. Self effort is so much easier to because we only have to go as far as we want. It can be faked. Tares look a lot like wheat. Ultimately, self effort does not need Jesus.

Some wear the mask of spiritual success because they are afraid of the alternative. Allowing ourselves to be fully known, fully dependent on the provision of God. If we resist the dark night or the desert, thinking that something must be wrong because we are not experiencing success - the best life now - life on the up and to the right growth curve, then we are in danger of missing out on the blessing of knowing Jesus more fully.

What a Mess

I love college football. Up until recently, I've really loved everything about it. Game day atmosphere, ranking controversies, love of university are all part of the game. There are even so many stories of redemption. Sports, and for me college sports, give so much to feel good about.

Granted, it does not hurt my enjoyment that I spent six years attending (thus my loyalties belong to) the greatest university in the land - The University of Florida - which is a winning machine. (Sorry for the shameless plug, can we still be friends?)

While there is so much to love, lately more and more negative and tragic elements have crept into the college football world. Recruiting scandals, more and more player arrests and of course, the recent, unfolding events at Penn State. Certainly we are all aware of the basic facts of what is going on in Happy Valley, and my efforts here will not be to recount them or comment on them.

What has occurred to me, as I've listened to sports talk radio which I'm apt to do regularly, is how our identity affects interpretation of events.

For many, sports dominates identity. If identity is our sense of self, of what gives us value or significance, then it makes sense that our team can contribute to that. Our team being tied to our identity goes beyond celebrating a win or questioning a call, but having our sense of worth tied to the success or failure of the team. Thinking I'm overstating sports' impact on people, check out the typical message board online or the comments at the end of an article on espn.com. Part of the false self is its ability (or need) to tie our worth to something, there has to be a way to see where we are on the leader board of life.

Back to what has struck me from the Penn State situation. From the reaction of different fans, our sense of self also gives us a sense of right and wrong. Things that bolster our identity are right and things that conflict (or take value away) are wrong. Just look to the reaction of Penn State students after their coach's firing. Something that affects the value of the team, and hence their own perceived value, is a wrong decision.

Fans of Penn State call in programs, confused by the consensus of people outside of the situation, and wonder why people are coming down hard on Joe Paterno since he did what was required of him. Rightness is determine by what fits with identity.

While this is an extreme situation, this affect is not limited to Penn State (or even college football, my example here). My own university has struggled with student athlete arrests. When it is one of ours, the Gator message board is very sympathetic and rationalizing. But let one of those Florida State Seminoles get arrested for the same thing and those same people want the hammer of the law brought down.

Identity creates our lens for right and wrong.

Jesus said that "if you love me, you will obey what I command". Or, said another way, if you are in Christ, you will do what is right. This is sometimes hard to read because it seems very performance oriented and a possible path to guilt and condemnation. Thus, we reverse the conditional as do what is right so that it will be clear that we love Jesus. The foundation of self-righteousness.

While I am not advocating disobedience, knowing that we are broken and fallen, there is another aspect to Jesus' words. If we love Him, if our identity is rooted in Christ, then we will do the right thing because it bolsters our identity. If Jesus is the foundation of our sense of worth, then the wrong thing will feel wrong because it detracts from our sense of self.

Like the sports fan who determines right and wrong on the basis of what is best for his team, so will we. Our identity in Christ will motivate us to act in love towards others, because that it right, and when we are wrong, it will motivate us to repent.

It's all about identity.

A Lesson on Performance

It is so easy to substitute an idol for Jesus. Our false self demands it. Denying that false self daily, staying on the narrow path is an arduous and intentional process. Made even more so by our ability to take good things and make them our idols. We have to be wary of the space that we are allowing everything except Jesus to have in our lives.

Nowhere is this more subtle than in the area of ministry - doing things for Jesus, as his representative. It is only degrees of separation to go from having an identity in Christ to having an identity in doing things for Christ. The former is secure and stable, rooted in the truth of the Gospel - that we are chosen, loved and saved by God himself. In the latter our perceived worth to God becomes highly dependent on our own performance.

As I lived this, it was so easy to justify my logic: since God made me a pastor and gave me these opportunities for service, success in ministry equalled rightness with God. It is so easy for the heart to be deceived, even by good things.

With this sense of the tug of the false self, we're going to look in on Jesus in Luke 10 as He is sending out 72 disciples in pairs to every town that He was about to visit. I picture the scene in The Empire Strikes Back where the imperial destroyer is sending probes in every direction looking for the rebel base. Jesus was sending these pairs out for reconnaissance - to prepare the way for His coming. After some instruction, 36 pairs of disciples, who were probably at the same time nervous and excited, set off on their work of service, prepared in advance for them to do.

In verse 17, when they return here is how the scene is described: "The seventy-two returned with joy and said, "Lord, even the demons submit to us in your name."

They had achieved ministry success! Brimming with confidence, barely able to contain their excitement, they return to joyfully tell Jesus about the success they had achieved. They had moved into enemy territory, made an offensive, and seen the product of their faith. A response from the spiritual world. Demons submitting.

We are left to imagine each scene. People rejoicing at the healing, wonder in these towns at the power of these pairs of followers of Jesus, probably celebration, promises, and pats on the back. And as the disciples report back to Jesus, breathless with their excitement and enthusiasm, ready to tackle the entire Roman empire you can probably imagine what response they were hoping for from their Leader.

"Well done! You are finally getting it. The demons fleeing represents real progress. Soon we'll have more followers than we can handle. This is a turning point in establishing the kingdom." Or some such words or praise and confidence. But Jesus' response is starkly different, talking about lightening, snakes and scorpions, and containing these words as part of His response:

However, do not rejoice that the spirits submit to you, but rejoice that your names are written in heaven.

In effect, what Jesus is teaching them is to not find joy in the results. Circumstances will change like the weather. Identity based on success or failure is one that is destined to be tossed about; always questioning and never certain. Yes the spirits submitted, but don't let that be the source of your joy or your praise to God. Success is fleeting, results can be deceptive. Maybe He is preparing some for the time when the cause of Christ may be all but abandoned by most of those who are presently celebrating it.

Instead, rejoice in the one thing that will not change. Their names are written in heaven. God's love is secure and not capricious. Whether encountering success or trial, the ink of heaven will not fade.

God is not in love with us because of our performance on His behalf. Christ is not betrothed to His bride because He lacks or needs, thus causing us to worry about what happens in the event that we outlive our usefulness to Him. Rather, God loves us for our benefit and we are to rejoice in our future restoration.

The Happiness Project

Picked up a book at the library with an interesting title - The Happiness Project. I'm a few chapters into it, and while the premise is interesting, there are some profound conclusions to be drawn from the reciting of Gretchen Rubin's tale of seeking happiness.

Here is the premise: Mrs. Rubin has a good life and knows it, yet she curiously finds that she feels like she could be happier. After much research of the history of happiness, she endeavors to spend a year becoming happier. For each month of the year, she maps out an area of her life that she is going to focus on. Month one is becoming happier by boosting energy. Month two, in addition to continuing the habits of boosting energy, she adds to that remembering love. Month three continues with aim higher. Etc.

It is in month two that a definition of happiness comes to her, and it looks like this: "To be happy, I need to think about feeling good, feeling bad, and feeling right, in an atmosphere of growth." In other words, she set standards for good, bad, and right and focused on "generating positive emotions" (her words) in order to grow.

While interesting and not without the discovery of some useful principles. This process is doomed to fail. Maybe not in the pages of the book, but eventually, and here is why.

Idols will always let you down and your idols cannot forgive you.

You cannot just generate something from nothing. It is one of the laws of thermodynamics. For instance, an emergency generator produces electricity from gasoline. No gas, no electricity. It is this basic premise that Gretchen misses in her project. She is constantly doing. To find happiness, she has to be putting something in. Just to boost energy alone, she focuses on sleeping more, exercising better, organizing, nagging less, and acting more energetic. That's just month one!

It is all about doing and setting a standard of performance.

As she relates herself, when she failed to live up to her standard of nagging less, she felt like a failure. Her idol could not forgive her, since it was an arbitrary line in the sand. She set the standard for feeling bad and achieved it. Even more, she struggled when her husband did not acknowledge her improvement in the nagging department. Her sense of happiness was reflected to her in his approval. Her idol let her down.

On another front, she did get very happy when she cleaned her closets and drawers and emptied shelves. Yet, related that she did not get such a profound sense of happiness from the daily maintenance of staying organized. Another way idols let us down is by the law of diminishing returns. As any drug user will tell you, it takes more drug to feel the same high. Idols make us work harder and harder for less and less benefit.

During the love month she treated her husband to the "week of extreme nice" in which she practiced love without expecting anything in return. Along with a certain level of happiness, she also relates resentment at her sacrifice not being acknowledged. And at the end of the week, she was relieved when the week was over and things could get back to normal. Seems she had some nagging to do.

The things that were making her happy were artificial standards that her effort at willpower could not maintain. Happiness was achievable in spurts, but not sustainable. Letdown.

As I've said in other blogs, I'm not trying to malign Gretchen Rubin. I like her book and I really respect all the effort and thought she put into this year. There are many principles here worth noting. But also worth noting is that since happiness needs to come from somewhere, she was going to experience failure at one point or another. What happens when she sprains her ankle and cannot exercise? Or forgets to act energetic? Or needs to stay up late with a sick child? Or does not get the response she needs from others when she loves them well? Her idol is going to fail her.

Came across this quote today by a gentleman named Henry Scougal in his work Life of God in the Soul of Man:

Worth or excellency of a soul is to be measured by the object of its love.

Here is how I think this applies. Ultimately, I see the pursuit of happiness as the pursuit of personal redemption. We know within our soul that things are not right, so outside of Christ we attempt to do things like organize our lives, achieve physical fitness, and give and receive love. It is a redemption story. Happiness if found in redemption.

As evidenced in Gretchen Rubin's book, our idols, the objects of our love, are going to leave our souls longing for more. They cannot be fulfilled for long by powerless idols. There will always be something above our standard of good.

But it is not like that in Christ. Christ needs nothing from us, for everything is his. His love is pure gift. We are chosen, not because of what we can produce, but simply because we are His creation, His image bearers. Being in Christ is not deserved, it is grace. When we love God in Christ, because we are made righteous not earning it, our soul can rest and be...happy.

Then it does not matter if my shelf is cluttered or I have love handles or if my spouse does not appreciate the things I do. There is not condemnation in Christ Jesus.

That is a happiness project.

Keeping Up with Kim Kardashian

As I sit here typing, I am in a state of utter shock and disbelief. Controlling my emotions is difficult at times like this. Questions race through my mind: how could this be? what went wrong? It just didn't' seem like it would turn out like this.

Kim Kardashian filed for divorce.

Oh no. Now, after we peel away the sarcasm of the paragraph above, we're left to wonder what this new event is all about. I mean, how can a marriage, even one build on a superficial foundation, go wrong in all of 72 days?

Kim Kardashian has made her living by imaging herself. She IS a brand, and for some reason, our culture buys into her. People tune into her reality show; people buy the multitude of products she endorses; paparazzi follow her around and paste her picture on every supermarket tabloid. It is a highly crafted, maintained and polished exterior.

My guess, and this is pure speculation on my part for I do not watch her show or know much about her other than I see her face in a lot of places, is that this is part of her brand. A multi-million dollar princess wedding 72 days ago (with the TV and picture rights sold so she actually MADE money on the deal) to someone with a profile just high enough to make the wedding significant, but not high enough that anyone would care about what he has to say. She seems to be about the look, getting people to notice and tune in. Unadulterated identity in being seen. A narcissism made possible in our media crazed culture. Attention (and possible sympathy) brings viewers.

None of this is intended to impugn Kim. She is not a follower of Christ, and is doing exactly what one would expect. Seeking significance in something. Popularity is the source of her identity and her actions are perfectly consistent.

But, what this reminds me of is us. People in the church. Sometimes we are more concerned about the brand than about Christ. Looking like a follower rather than being a follower. Since we don't want to make a mistake and mess things up for Jesus, we clean up our lives ourselves. Thus, we ignore the Spirit, boil away grace and redemption and mystery and make discipleship all about our actions. Morality. Looking the part. Doing the right thing for everyone to see.

Carefully creating an image of what we think God's holiness looks like. Trying to live prosperous lives, not as Christ would define it, but as the culture would. We tell people everything is great and hid from view our tired marriage, parenting trials, addictions, and all other struggles that life in a fallen world throws our way. We've clothed ourselves in a holy exterior and hidden our brokenness. Image is everything. Spiritual narcissism.

Living out of our false identity in this way is exhausting. It's more about our effort than Christ's. It is a facade that must be maintained. Ultimately it causes the unchurched to tune us out because it is an inflated standard that they feel inadequate to keep.

We intimidate those outside with our carefully crafted, highly maintained, got-it-together looking exteriors.

It's all about appearances. Just like keeping up with the Kardashians.

Worth Another Look, Vol. 1

I tend to be skeptical of most marriage books. You can probably safely add to that books on parenting as well. Rather than leading the reader to evaluate what is broken with the self in order to enable a releasing of burdens on one's spouse, instead much of what is written is guised manipulation. Not getting what you want? Is your spouse not meeting your needs? Follow these simple steps to make your partner happy and they will, in return, give you what you want.

In reality, how long will that advice last? Probably until you consistently do not get the response you desire. Make no mistake, since we all tend to fall into focusing on ourselves that will happen probably sooner than later.

While I am a skeptic of the marriage book genre, out of interest in the subject I still have a number of these books in my reading queue. It is within the last one I read and put on the bookshelf that I found this nugget. In the midst of discussing 1 Peter 3:7,

Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

the author espoused the view that if a husband's prayers were not being answered, then it was likely because he was not loving his wife properly. Just to say this another way, the man who was interpreting this passage was saying that consequence for a husband not loving his wife in the proper way was that God would stop answering that man's prayers.

That assessment strikes me as driven by performance. Rightness before God being determined in this interpretation by the husband's works. Beyond that, it implies God can be manipulated - by doing the right things you can get God to answer prayer. The grace and mercy of God seem to be absent until the man gets his act together.

Yet, grace is not earned or deserved, meriting another look at what my be implied by the hindrance of prayers. It is interesting that the author focused on a hindrance in the answer to the prayer rather than the delivery. Maybe Peter is reminding husbands that if they are not considerate, if they do not respect their spouses relative weakness, then that is going to lead to a house filled with strife. Strife that will be the direct result of the man's actions. It is hard to pray during relational conflict. Anger can harden our hearts, hence the warning not to sin in it. So instead of the two being one, each feels isolated and alone, and quite probably isolated from God as well.

That may be the hindrance to prayer that Peter is envisioning. Strife creating chaos and lack of desire to seek out and connect with God. Or maybe if we are inclined to turn our face to God, it is with the intent of manipulation ("God please change my wife!") instead of repentance and gratitude.

The hindrance being in our desire to offer the prayer rather than in God's ability to answer it.

Foot Loose

I have to come clean, my wife and daughter have sucked me into another season of Dancing with the Stars. It is only my second season, but I was adamant at the beginning that I did not need another TV show to watch. My daughter loves the dancing and Bruno's emphatic evaluations, so I find myself drawn in, sharing in her joy.

As I watch, along with millions of others, my wonderings turn to why this show about ballroom dancing is so immensely popular. Along that line, why is ballroom dancing rising in popularity? And I watch and I wonder.

Then this week a possibility occurred to me. It's men and women.

More specifically, it is men being encouraged to be the man and women encouraged to be the women and the beauty that results when those roles are embraced.

In a culture that had encouraged men to check their 'man card' at the door and be more passive and docile, less forceful and more Easter bunny, happy to play video games and have their moms make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches (with crusts cut off) - within the context of this kind of culture we are drawn into this world of dance where the man must exude strength. Strength both physical and in leadership.

The man guides the dance, leading the steps and guiding the frames of both partners. He must maintain a firm grasp on his woman. He must lift and support and swing and twirl the woman as they, as one form, a single unit, navigate the expanse of the dance floor.

Yet, it is not a partnership where the man is holding the woman down. His strength has the purpose of showing off the woman. Giving her the platform for her beauty and grace to shine through. In the good dance couples, the man draws our attention to the woman; she is his treasure to be showcased.

In this dance of equals, the woman allows herself to be led. Knowing that in the hands of a capable man, her beauty will be allowed to shine forth. She must trust his grasp, firm enough so she won't fall, yet not so much that it inhibits her movement. Her movement prove her trust in the strength of her man.

In all the dance, the man holds the woman's best interest first and foremost, not because he is the partner that does not matter, but because that is what he was designed for - what his role is. For the woman, she places her complete trust in the man, now because she is the partner of lesser worth, but knowing that is what will allow her to flourish and be showcased.

The dance is beautiful when both partners embrace their roles and don't resent or fight against their part. This is our ideal of what a relationship looks like. What our souls are restless for, but which is so hard to obtain in our cultural system. So we tune in to get a glimpse on the dance floor of what could be in our own lives.

Chosen

In the past couple blogs, I've made mention and begun to develop the ideas of a reflected sense of self and the very real, continual battle between our false self and our new, true self in Christ. There is a lot to unpack in those ideas and their relationship to our developing identity in Christ.

We hear a lot in our culture about people "finding themselves" and "getting to know who I am". This is an identity statement. Quite often this is a response to a bad relationship or a child leaving the home. They now want to find out who they are outside of the context of a bad marriage or parental authority. The underlying premise of this statement is that there is someone who I naturally am, and I want to let that person come out and play.

Trouble is, to define ourselves we need some sort of reference point. Thus, what is really meant by finding oneself is, who do I become if I change the reference point. Instead of a marriage being the source of that definition (identity), maybe self is view as an artist, or as a mother, or a social worker.

None of those things are going to satisfy the restlessness of our soul. Our longing for significance, to right the tragedy of the fall. The image of the Creator in us longs for this. As a result, we form idols in our lives - relationships, sex, money, parenthood, fantasy football - that we can 'control'. It is our desire to be like a god. Just like Adam.

Christ wants to be our identity. Not to crush us or to make the Borg (Star Trek reference, sorry) out of us, but to release our true self. That self God created can only be found in Christ. Our sense of our self must be reflected to us by Christ.

Having Christ reflect our sense of self to us requires that we know the truth; it is the truth that sets us free. So, we need to know the Gospel and hide it in our hearts in order that we can have a Gospel that we tell ourselves.

A way to open ourselves to God. A way to deny our false self and embrace our true self in Christ. Especially as we fight the battle against alternative sources of significance.

The more I learn about my brokenness, the better formed the Gospel I tell myself becomes. One of my battles (yes, it is a many fronted battle) is with my circumstances. It is easy for me to fuse the status of my standing with God and the state of my circumstances. For the last few months I've been training for a half-marathon. Thirteen and one tenth grueling miles. It was going so good, a source of success amidst the seeming uncertainty and chaos of the rest of my life.

I hadn't even become aware how much significance I was placing in my new found ability until I tweaked my hamstring. Hurt to run, had to limp home. As I was doing so I just became devastated by this turn of events and it became a catalyst for me. The one thing! It's all I had! Tearfully I turned my head to the night sky and yelled "God, I know in my head that you are for me, but I am having so much trouble believing that right now! Everything is such a mess!"

After a somewhat downcast night of sleep, the next morning God was going to answer my temper tantrum. Reading Ephesians 1, I was reminded that running was not the one thing; God himself chose me in Christ - that is the one thing. And significant to so much of what I struggle with in denying my false self. Being chosen is not part of the Gospel I preach to myself.

I am chosen in Christ, my circumstances don't dictate God's approval of me. God notices me when no one else does. If God went to this trouble, my life is significant. I am God's creation, created with a purpose.

Picking the right reference point has enabled me to be certain of who I truly am.

The Epic Battle

It would be so much harder to understand the teachings on theology of the apostle Paul if he did not give us such a clear picture of his own weakness. But, because of his own experience as a follower of Christ living in a fallen world, Paul is able to describe for us the epic battle that goes on in each of us while we live in this world working out our salvation.

The battle is between our sin nature and our new identity in Christ. They are in conflict with each other, each desiring what is contrary to the other. One of the lies that we believe is that if you feel the dissonance of this struggle, you are somehow following Christ wrongly, or God has turned away from you, or our faith is not real, or worse yet, that we were not really saved in the first place.

There is no promise that this battle goes away before we see Christ face to face. Jesus himself promised that this battle would rage for us when he declared that following Him would require that we deny ourselves - the false self - every day as we take up our cross and follow him. He promised trials of many kinds as our new identity presses in against the broken systems of this world.

But the pill that we try to get ourselves and others to swallow is that Jesus added to your life makes everything work out. When it doesn't, rather than working though our doubts or allowing God to mold our faith in the face of trials, we head right for disallussionment. Feeling like we were promised a quick fix rather than a slow, epic battle.

So my false self and my self in Christ battle about performance. Evaluating quality of follow-ship by results. Poor performance leading to shame and a wondering how I can be loved if I fail so miserably. Placing more stock in our own performance (that's the sinful nature talking) than on what has been done for us in Christ.

Or the battle is over circumstance. If I'm loved, then my life's circumstances will show it. When things are good, God is for me and when things are down, then God must have run away. That's a spiritual life on a sine wave, always looking for something outside to validate how tight I am with God.

Fortunately God declares to us that He is faithful. That He doesn't play favorites. While the two natures battle within us, Christ promises never to leave nor forsake, but to bear the burden of the battle with us. That's why Christ invites us to follow Him into weakness. It's not our effort that defines the relationship, as the false self teaches, but being cloaked in Christ.

As we participate in this epic battle, it is necessary to be prepared to shine light on the sinful nature. Denying ourselves means knowing what we are denying. Darkness flees the light. We must be able to dispel the darkness with truth - a reminder of who we are in Christ - the Gospel that we preach to ourselves.

The battle will rage every moment of every day, yet it is a battle that is already won in Christ; success is in how we fight.